Eating Loudly
Apples, raw carrots, chips, and other crunchy goodies should probably be steered clear of if you are within 20 meters of your wife. She'll put up with it for a while and then you'll start receiving hints to stop eating including loud and deliberate huffing, subtly covering her ears with her hands, and finally her leaving the room only to be found reading her book in the bedroom with the door shut. Oh, steering clear of toast is also recommended.
Foot Rubbing
Now some people won't have a clue what I'm talking about when I say foot rubbing and no, it's not making your wife rub your feet. Oh no, it's much, much worse. It's that time when you get home from a hard days work; you kick the lazy boy recliner back and slip your shoes off only using your feet. Then you simply sip that beer while rubbing your feet together in a circular motion. Oh man it feels great and you can do it for hours on end. The only problem with it is……your wife is going insane watching you do it from across the room. Again it just starts with some subtle huffing puffing but you know you're in the dog box when the angry stares start. I don't think I need to elaborate here.
Playing Golf With Your Mates and Coming Home After a Few Shots At The 19th
Just the fact that you're off to golf really irritates the hell out of your wife because it takes hours and she doesn't see the enjoyment in hitting around a little white ball with your mates. But what makes going to golf worse for your wife is the fact that it doesn't just end after the card has been totalled, it ends after a half a dozen pints at the club afterwards. Then you come home expecting her to be happy to see you after your tough day slogging it out on the course. Not so.
Singing Badly and Thinking Your Awesome
Unless you're Pavarotti or part of a boy band, you're probably an exceptionally bad singer but think you're "da bomb!" especially in the morning during your shower, or in the middle of her favourite television show, or when she's grumpy. Why is it you always feel the need to sing aloud when she's grumpy? Beats me but it sure gets her going. Pretty soon you've been drowned out by her yelling at you to “shut the hell up!”
Playing Playstation
Yes the ultimate sin especially if she is wanting to watch television and you've got the volume of Grand Theft Auto cranked in the other room or worse still if you're playing it on the only television in the house. Plus she will be trying to tell you about her day and all she gets in reply is grunts and the words, oh yeh, cool, great…
Passing Toxic Gases Out Loud (or Silently) and Thinking It's Hilarious
Need I say more? It is funny though!
Doing Absolutely No Chores Around The House
This is highly irritating for the love of your life because while you sit around drinking a beer and watching the box, she's cleaning your clothes, vacuuming the floor and cooking your meals. There are no subtle hints here, just a solid clip round the back of the head.
Making Derogatory Jokes About Where She Hails From and Her Religion
Yes definitely not recommended because saying that her home town is full of plonkers and weirdos will definitely get you offside. As far as debunking her religion goes, lets just say if you try it you may just find yourself on the fast track to heaven.
Making Smart Comments All The Way Through Greys Anatomy and Other Cheesy Wife Shows
I can see how this can be so annoying for your little honey bunch because you do make her watch sports at every opportunity and she has learned to just watch without speaking too often. So when you start saying how bad the acting is in this and how much you hate this person in the show and checking the score in the ads, she gets highly pissed off.
Spending All Your Time Writing Articles On The Net
The penultimate wife annoyance tool. She loves that you are doing something that makes you happy, but when it turns into hours and hours of tap, tap, tapping at the keyboard and blocking out everything else in the room, including her, then she gets annoyed.
Dedicated to my beautiful and loving wife who puts up with a lot of crap but just keeps on loving me and that's all that matters. If women didn't have these little quirks, we wouldn't love them.
