The following are the passing thoughts of a bored mind, and I am in no way suggesting that any of it is scientifically verifiable.
Cavemen and Tools
Men have always had a fascination with tools. It believe this started millions of years ago. If you recall the opening scene of 2001: A Space Odyssey: a not-quite-man-yet-not-quite-ape discovers that a bone can be used to crush the skull of a member of an adversarial tribe. I believe that something very much like this actually occurred-- it almost have to have happened. And afterward the not-quite-man-yet-not-ape looked upon a bone with awe. Well, now, the not-quite-man-yet-not apes have evolved into men, yet, no matter that the eons have passed, the awe that men experience while beholding tools has not changed.
You can witness in hardware stores around the world that glazed look men get while examining power tools, always deciding ultimately what some not-quite-man-yet-not-ape discovered long ago and would have verbalized-- if he'd had that capacity: “I can kill somebody with this…. Cool!”
This has not changed, proving that the not-quite-man-yet-not-ape, in some ways, survived into the modern age. You will see a man examine a power drill, a saber saw, a chain saw-- especially a chain saw-- and you can just tell he's thinking, Hey, if I had to, I could kill somebody with this…. Cool! Then he will go on and purchase the chain saw, despite the fact there are no trees on his property.
This is why men buy power tools they barely ever use, and the bigger and more dangerous power tools, the better. If a man could convince his mate that there may be a purpose for it one day, he'd buy a jack-hammer-- just because it's big, powerful, and dangerous, and he likes the idea of having something big, powerful, and dangerous around the house-- just in case a burglar ever breaks in at night.
Real men love to buy power tools they known they'll never use.
Likewise men are fascinated by fire, a different type of tool, and real men don't go out and buy and barbecue grills that use propane. Real men need charcoal, starter fluid, and the possibility that they might set themselves ablaze. Otherwise, he can never enjoy barbecuing. Just watch a guy using a propane grill. Does he really seem happy? Now watch a guy using a grill filled with charcoal briquettes that are dowsed in starter fluid. He has a hard time starting the fire, which pisses him off, because if it's not burning, he's not happy. Once it does start on fire, he'll always squirt way too much fluid on it. The only truly successful barbecue is one during which tree branches catch on fire. Sometimes he will start himself on fire. But what is the first thing he does after he beats out the flames coming off his shirt, apron, or foot-and-half tall white chef's hat?… He laughs. He laughs because he's having fun. His is connected somehow through the ages to the first not-quite-man-yet-not ape to discover fire, who after the first time he burned his furry finger, thought-- if he'd been aware of language-- This is going to be fun!
No real man can have fun unless there is the possibility of his getting some part of himself burned, broken, or cut off.
That's all I have to say for now, until I finish my next article: “Cavemen and Shiny Objects.”
