Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter : Sit down, sir, we serve anyone.
Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup
Waiter : That's all right, Sir, he won't drink much.
Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?
Waiter : I wouldn't know, Sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
Peter : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
First Guy (proudly) : "My wife's an angel!! "
Second Guy : "You're fortunate, mine's still alive."
A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order." The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."
Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Penang in two days' time?
Post Master : Well it might do.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Johor.
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist. "My trouble is," he said, "that I keep forgetting things." "How long has this been going on?" asked the psychiatrist. "How long has what been going on?" said the man.
1st thief : Oh! The police are here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field."
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field.
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
A lady went to a restaurant and ordered a bowl of soup.
Lady : Waiter, what is this soup called?
Waiter : It is called special chicken soup.
Lady : But I see no chicken in it!
Waiter : That's why it's so special!
Question : Why did you throw the butter out of the window?
Answer : I wanted to see a butterfly.
