Outrageous Essentials of a Flaming Diva

Are you a diva darling? Well, let me tell you that divas are an elite group. You don't necessarily have to be famous, but oh darling you must want to be seen.

Here are the critical qualities you must possess to be a diva:

1. You are filthy, smoking rich
2. You drive a luxury car, preferably a lavish SUV. You own several plush vehicles or daddy does.
3. You have no patience for standing in line. You hire people for this.
4. Of course, if you have to wait anywhere you talk and complain loudly on your cell phone
5. You annunciate your vowels longer in some words. For example: “I know” becomes “IIII KNOOOOW!”
6. You don't work, but you hire a nanny. If childless, you still hire a nanny to run those pesky errands!
7. You workout daily with your personal trainer. You have that gym toned body and you flaunt it.
8. You wear diamonds and other jewels to the gym and the dentist
9. You carry a handbag worth more than some people's cars
10. Your cell phone is permanently studded with jewels
11. You have manicures and pedicures at least twice a week
12. You have that orangish color of a fake tan purchased in a tanning salon
13. Your teeth are shockingly white against your orange skin
14. You hair is an unnatural color with highlights you have refreshed twice a month
15. You do not work. Your husband, boyfriend, father, sugar daddy is sickeningly flooded with cash.
16. You have the latest designer shoes and clothing
17. The retail clerks in the upscale boutiques all know you by name
18. You feel that you should be the world's priority. Your happiness is critical.
19. You don't know who is running for President nor where New Mexico is located (Is that a state or a country?)
20. You attend college only to find an obscenely wealthy husband. Daddy's check book gets you admitted, not your G.P.A.
21. You wear stilettos to Starbucks
22. You won't touch anything that might make your hands dirty or ruin your manicure
23. You have a housekeeper and a personal chef. Good help is hard to find!
24. Your purpose in life is to be seen and worshiped
    
25. You are selfish and self-obsessed. Is that a problem?