As a woman who has almost a pathological dislike of housework, I decided as soon as I was old enough to do any that the only sensible course to take on this habitual, though still a mainly feminine occupation, was evasive action, as you would with any hated work. Over the years through trial - and some error! -I have developed and fine tuned the art of avoidance. Being of a sybaritic nature, without a trace of puritanism I am pleased to say, I feel absolutely no guilt about this, and to likeminded women I give details of my findings and experiences below.
Vacuuming
The designers and makers of vacuum cleaners have aided us, although not in the way they
intended - I am talking weight here - that of most cleaners. We all know how heavy these are
to push around. My feelings have always been they are designed by men for men, so who
are we females to interfere in an all male affair. Let them get on with it. I have, therefore,
found that by simply following, instead of suppressing, your natural - and let's face it unavoidable
- reaction when shoving these infernal machines around to stumble emitting loud groans and
sighs, which is inevitable considering the weight of the machine, whilst asking no one in
particular “I wonder who is the idiot responsible for making this machine so heavy?” leads quite nicely to the desired effect resulting from the question.
This is to ask the nearest male - as obviously you are not going to start vacuuming if there is no man around - to finish the task for you, at the same time collapsing in a handy chair, apologising profusely between what should sound like painful gasps of air, and probably is!, as if you have just gone one round with Lennox Lewis. (We are going for Oscars here). It also helps if you are small and slender for which I am forever grateful. The upshot is the man will say yes, although there are a few ungentlemenly ones who will make cracks about "laziness ", but who cares as long as you get what you want, i.e the vacuuming done.
Cleaning
As in washbasins, loos, sinks, worktops and similar surfaces around the house. (You will note that I have not mentioned the kitchen floor, as the dedicated avoider will no doubt have, or should have, carpet tiles laid in the kitchen which can be vacuumed with the rest of the house. If a section gets particularly dirty, it can easily be replaced). Make it a rule that whoever dirties these items, cleans them immediately. It is easy enough to find the culprit who does not comply. You question everybody to find out who last used the offending item. However, if no one admits to being the guilty party, then you simply select - after careful questioning - the one you suspect, to do the cleaning. To a child's cry of “ this is unfair as it wasn't me ", you simply point out that he or she is being taught a good lesson for the future when they become adults, which is a that life is unfair. Also tell them it is character building which sounds good, and has the added advantage of leaving them speechless. If you still have the usual type of flooring in the kitchen, not to worry, the same rules apply. Actually
You will find that if every one in a house cleans up after themselves, e.g rinsing out the washbasin or bath after use, keeping a house clean will be a doddle.
Dusting
The children should enjoy this. Playing around with all the ornaments and those things they come across that they find interesting, They can be absorbed for hours, especially if they find something they had thought lost - or better still for you, an item that you have been looking for - and "the icing on the cake" for them, what they were not allowed to touch before, but can to their little hearts' content now. In such instances, I would not recommend churlishness on your part when you find out, especially if they break a treasured ornament!, we do not want to build up resentment with battles galore in the future when they are asked to do the dusting, cleaning or whatever. You must be tolerant in such matters to achieve your aim of virtually doing no housework, which is the object of the exercise. You must leave them thinking "mum is nice, doesn't make a fuss about such things like some other mothers would, so 1 don't mind helping out". Remember the old adage, "honey catches more flies than vinegar".
Before proceeding, I will deal with a couple of questions which are no doubt buzzing around in the heads of a number of you. Foremost will be how to deal with a recalcitrant husband or partner who ignores your cleaning rules and has the nerve to say that it is your job to do the cleaning. There are still a few of these reactionaries about! Well, all of those who have tried to get a cleaner to come in once or twice a week, know how difficult it can be, which is why you are reading this, for avoidance ideas. However, there are agencies which provide cleaners at a high hourly rate, as obviously they have to take a commission to cover their expenses and salaries for providing this service. Therefore, as I am a great believer in hitting a person where it hurts most - that is in the pocket - my advice is you tell your husband/ partner if he will not help out you will book agency cleaners, and do so, getting the agency to bill him. He will soon fall in line.
