My favourite type of joke, as is almost everyone else’s (and the section of the joke book you immediately skip to when you get one) is the yarns (or the longer, story-type ones), because they are much more interesting, and you are much less likely to groan at them, and you are more likely to want to hear them again, so here are a few of my favourite ones.
(PS I have not copied and pasted ANY of these from different sites, I have not put any from sites in my own words, ALL of these I have heard from friends or relatives)
English, Irish, Scottish
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were trekking through the desert, and they ended up walking towards a group of people, on the basis of asking for directions and water. However, once they got into their camp, they were promptly taken hostage, tied up, and were told that if they would not obey, they would be eaten alive. After begging for mercy, the chieftain granted them that they would only force them to do 2 tasks, and then they would let them go (if they completed the tasks correctly)
They were given the first task of collecting 10 pieces of a type of fruit (of their choice) in the time limit of a day. Happy that they had been given such an easy task, they promptly rushed off to the nearest market, in which they each succeeded. First to come back was the Englishman, who had collected 10 apples. “Good”, said the chieftain. “Now shove them all up your ass”. “What?!?” exclaimed the Englishman. “And”, continued the chieftain, “You have to keep a straight face. No giggling.”
However, the Englishman did not succeed in this, so he was ripped apart where he stood. Next to arrive was the Irishman, who had come back with 10 red berries. “Not bad… Now shove them all up your ass, while keeping a straight face.” The tribe looked at him in awe, as he completed 9 of the 10 berries easily… and then started laughing. He laughed and laughed, even as he was ripped apart. As he got to heaven he was still laughing, where the Englishman gazed upon him in pity. “Why did you laugh? “ he enquired, “You were doing so well!” “Because”, the Irishman said, wiping a tear from his eye, “I saw the Scotsman coming back with 10 pineapples.”
Three Daughters
Three daughters all had new boyfriends, but their father was worried about what they were going to be doing, what their personality was like… and so forth, so he stood at the door with a shotgun to meet each of them.
The first boyfriend arrived at the door on time. “Hi, I’m Joe. I’m here for Flo. We’re gonna see the show. Is she ready to go?” Intrigued by the rhyme, but convinced he was OK, the father let the two on their way.
Soon after, the second boyfriend arrived. “Mornin’, I’m Eddie. I’m ‘ere for Betty. We’re gonna eat some spaghetti. Is she ready? He seemed an OK guy too, so the father let them on their way.
Finally, the third came knocking on the door. “Hi, I’m Chuck. I’m here for” And the father shot him.
