Detection
Catch your potential secret agent off guard and ask them: Are you a secret agent?
Inside of every secret agent there is in fact, a human being. He or she may answer you, because the hope to impress, deep down.
CAUTION : Most secret agents are going to be expecting this, and even if they aren't the chances of fooling your agent into telling you the truth are very slim. Secret agents are after all, very secretive.
Check the suspect's place of residence out.
Comb the place, top to bottom . If you happen to stumble upon an entire closet full of awesome black suits, you may want to become suspicious. And if there also just happens to be a lone suit behind a glass case in the middle of the room that reeks of magnificence, Put that thing on right now! It may very well be a suit much like the Tuxedo… And if that's the case you don't ever want an agent to wear it.
CAUTION : If your agent comes home while you are searching his house, and is in fact really an agent, you are probably doomed.
Check his ears, as well as his sanity.
If there is a small, coiling wire leading up to his ear then the suspect is probably in fact, a secret agent. Although you may not see the device, as secret agents are highly trained in the arts of being stealthy, and of course, deception. If this is the case, walk up to him and ask questions like: “What day is it? Are aliens real? Do you think the world is going to end tomorrow because of space invaders? This will be helpful for you because you want to know if he is just talking to himself, or mumbling instructions to a fellow agents, which may very well be to take you out. And if this turns out to be true, then you probably will never make it to number four in this list.
CAUTION : Some of the more expert agents have been trained in the art of ventriloquism, And might be speaking to an unseen device anyway. So this step may or may not help you, though I can't promise anything.
Beware of dark sunglasses indoors
Okay, so there are several people in the world that choose to wear dark sunglasses, but not indoors and in the case of most agents, you will find that there is a very good reason behind wearing the glasses…. But they're not telling, so let's just assume that the glasses themselves are set to explode at the wearer's discretion. But that's not really the point right now. The point is, if the guy has dark sunglasses on inside, keep a wide birth for now.
CAUTION: I may have forgotten to mention that when you stare at secret agent for very long they tend to notice, and will most likely come after you. But before you move on to confrontation, just to be sure your attacker really is a secret agent please read number five.
Test his reflexes and weaponry
Okay: First off this will kind of give you a heads up on what you're really dealing with, and maybe even help you in the fight ahead. So: look around you. Kind of hard to do when reading this instruction list and running away from a very possible secret agent I know, but you need to find out what this agent is packing. Find something heavy (pool balls work great, although most people don't bother to carry them around for some reason,) and throw it at his head. If he dodges it with a classic matrix move or shoots it down quickly then please move on to part two of this article.
Confrontation
So lets say that the confirmed secret agent now fully realizes that you have been spying on him, and is now ready to kill you. (You should have known this would happen, following somebody around with a list…) So here a few things that might help you be able to fend him off. Here's the catch though: for this to work, you are going to have to run into the nearest house that you can find. Unless of course the agent happens to be in a house with you right now, if that's the case, just forget the caution and go on to part two.
Making Use Of Common Household Items In A Fight With A Secret Agent
Picture Frames
When you rush into a house the first room you're most like to encounter is going to be the living room. And what do most living rooms have? Picture frames! Most likely all over the walls for sentimental value, but try to disregard that for now. As the agent closes in on you, throw several picture frames in rapid succession at him. Since secret agents have undergone intense torture therapy, the exploding glass in his eyes may just send his mind into overdrive. Thus, he will see the people in the picture coming, and think he is being attacked by several people at once. Hopefully, he will just run away.
