CAUTION: This tactical move might just aggravate him more, instead of driving him crazy. If you secret agent dodges all of the picture frames with yet another spectacular show of matrix moves, then quickly run into the next room.
The microwave
Since the kitchen generally follows the living room, run in and immediately turn on the microwave. Why? Microwave radiation can be an awesomely powerful weapon, when used correctly. First you need to convince your attacking secret agent that you are in the microwave. I know this sounds a bit strange, but if done correctly, you just might trick them into believing you are actually in a microwave. The trick? It simple: all you have to do is leave small, self destructing sticky notes all over the kitchen that lead to the microwave. Since secret agents are obligated to open up any self-destructing device and read or watch it, this may buy you time to run into another room. Plus, when he does finally get to the microwave, (which has been on the whole time) naturally he will look inside (the notes say to) and receive a blast of radiation in the face. Hopefully this will melt a little skin, if not just keep running for now.
CAUTION: Some agents aren't necessarily obligated to read all self-destructing sticky notes, and may just keep coming after you. Plus, I'm not sure if the radiation will do a whole lot of good so it might be a good idea to post a few notes in advance, so you have more time to run away later. Ominous thought eh?
Coins
So you've just come out of the kitchen, but you haven't hit another room yet. In a hallway cover is limited, and chances are your agent is right behind you at this point so you're just going to have to improvise. Although it's not really a household item a coin can very well save your life. Although I do admit, it's takes just a teeny bit of skill to use one correctly. So here is what you should do. Seeing as to how the angry agent behind you knows that you wanted to last him with radiation and trick him into thinking that he was fighting an army of smiling people (that must have been demented) he may very well decide to shoot at you. Hopefully you grabbed a little bit of change this morning… When you hear the gun fire, quickly find the bullet and toss the coin directly at it. If he is firing at you with a fully automatic, simply throw handfuls of coins with increased accuracy, and precision. When you run out of coins, duck into the next room.
CAUTION : Not everybody is like Neil. Most people can't stop bullets with coins. But if you can't, then I'm afraid to say that I can't help you now, as nothing in this manual covers fighting off a secret agent if you've already been shot repetitively.
Detergents and Such
If the next room you happen to run into is the laundry room, (if not, save this particular bit of advice for later) quickly grab a wet towel and a handful of detergent and run strait back out. I don't know if you are aware of this, but most laundry rooms only have 1 way in or out. And the last thing you want to do is be trapped in the same room with an angry secret agent. Now, as you run back out the door you might bump into the attacking agent. If this happens, throw your detergent in his face. Do not throw specifically at his eyes, a broad application to the whole face will suffice. Not only will he now have massive amounts of detergent in his eyes, mouth and nose (he will come at you with a war cry, opening up all points of entry considerably) but his disabilities will set you up for an attack. Remember gym class? The art of Towel Whipping may be laughable, but in a fight can be quite formidable. (especially if your victim has been doused in the face with laundry detergent)
Now ATTACK! Whip him in the face, the chest, the stomach, and most importantly, the testicles. Then, throw the towel over his head and run into the bathroom.
CAUTION: If the agent in question happens to specialize in narcotics, then you are probably dealing with a serious crack head, and he may just get a positive rush by snorting the detergent. Worse things have happened, and I do hope you don't have to deal with a crack head secret agent, but it's not a perfect world. If this happens, just skip the towel whipping and head to the bathroom.
