Open letter to the Nonsmoking community.
Dear Non Smokers.
How are you? Fine? Hung with your IPods and Bottled water and healthy food? OK?
Well, I am so thankful to you all. You have given the German Nazis a good second place as you rushed into our lives, fearing for the security of our children.
Now, you may want to curse me as an old timer, or as a German, but I am firm in my geekdom, and nothing in my following post is untrue. If you find anything untrue, by all means, let me know it. Write an open letter to us smokers, and provide an argument.
But, enough with the rallying. Let me tell you what I have to thank you for.
Thank you for the destruction of a disgusting habit of them red people. Right, do I hear some very angry people over there? Now, let's see, smoking tobacco was for hundred of years a valuable tool of communication between the great Manitou, and the simple red man. The Indians celebrated smoking in a matter that was close to the catholic mess . It was holy for them, and it still is, but thanks to you, in a few more years, this religious tool will be destroyed forever.
Thank you for reviving the Nazi spirit. No, it is alright, do not feel ashamed now. After all, not smoking is Aryan, as the Reichsgesundheitsminister wrote in one of his letters. So, yes, thank you for the destruction of a valuable past time pleasure of critics, thinkers and people who could have an own opinion. I know, Hollywood has portrayed the common Nazi or Waffen-SS Guy always smoking. Well, that was wrong. In fact, I happen to remember that a few other countries sent packs and packs of cigarettes to the front lines, offering their soldiers a good time. I think it was the Brits.
Thank you for taking away my last possibility to commit legal suicide. I mean, for a long time, I have had a secret plan. A plan dealing with the last few days of my life, and how they will be. Well, I thought, in 70-80 years, I will possibly have had a wife, and some children. All my friends will be dead. I will suffer under erectile dysfunction, I will be bald as a peanut, I will most likely be alone, because my wife has died earlier, and my children will have placed me in an old folks home that charges less. They will perhaps visit me twice a year, and they will have children that will only remember my name if I give them money. Now, each cigarette I will smoke will shorten that period by 5 minutes....
Of course, I now realize how silly I was. After all, the economy is steadily growing, no new war is in sight, lots of young folks have children, And with the current progress in science, I will probably have good hair and a stiff little soldier till a high age. Oh, and I bet my health service will improve that much that I will be able to afford my false teeth, and some day, wrinkles and old age will perhaps be sexy again. I dearly hope so, and eagerly await the progress in that direction.
Now, until then, dear nonsmokers, I hope, and that comes from the heart, that you sleep well, knowing that all these dirty smokers will finance your health system. After all, they cost the system so much. And no, putting federal taxes on that kind of stuff is not immoral, if you at the same time declare a war on it, and hunt each and every smoker like the Germans used to hunt the Jews. After all, it is a law by the government, and these folks cannot be wrong...
Sincerely: an ex smoker, who is now happily awaiting which new restrictions these dirty smokers have to endure. Perhaps a yellow cigarette in their identification, and a yellow star will be right.
(P.S.: In this article, a lot of sarcasm has been used. If you can't identify where or when, please, consult your English teacher in high school. )
