A Needle Can Save a Stroke Patient's Life
Image source
Content Summary: When a stroke occurs, the victim can be saved by pricking all ten of his fingertips with a needle and squeezing them until they bleed. And if the victim's mouth is crooked, pull the earlobes until they turn red and prick them until at least two drops of blood ooze out. The patient will start to regain consciousness after a few minutes, until then can the patient be transferred to the hospital. Without these essential procedures, movement will cause all his brain capillaries to burst resulting in irreparable brain damage and loss of life.
Commentary: Pricking the fingers and pulling the earlobes appears to be more like punishment than appropriate medical procedure. The mere suggestion that a stroke victim should not be taken immediately to the hospital until all signs are resolved is downright irresponsible. All presented facts are totally FALSE. The best treatment for stroke is a clot-dissolving drug called tissue plasminogen activator (tPA), which must be administered within a few hours of the onset of symptoms. So do not waste precious time because delaying hospitalization may actually worsen the patient's condition.
Breast Ogling Increases Life Expectancy of Men
Image source
Content Summary: According to a study published in the New England Journal of Medicine, it was discovered that breast ogling can improve a man's health and add to his lifespan by four to five years. A 10-minute preoccupation on the assets of a well-endowed female is more or less equivalent to a half-hour aerobics workout. Five years of study revealed that chest gazers had slower resting pulse rates, lower blood pressure and fewer cases of coronary diseases, since mammary watching often result in sexual excitement, which increases heart rate and thereby improves blood circulation.
Commentary: Unfortunately for all warm-blooded males out there, no such study was ever conducted nor was such article ever published in the said journal. Men who hope to increase their longevity should exercise common sense (which is not so common nowadays) as an option; it is more likely to accomplish the desired effect than any amount of breast watching. However, this is not substantiated or supported by any research study. Any volunteers?
Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide
Image source
Content Summary: Dihydrogen monoxide, also called DHMO, is a tasteless and colorless chemical substance that is hazardous to health, being responsible for the deaths of countless thousands of people annually. DHMO is a form of hydroxyl acid that may cause severe burns and electrical failures. It accelerates corrosion of metals; contributes to the erosion of natural landscapes and reduces effectiveness of automobile brakes. Its ingestion induces symptoms as profuse sweating, frequent urination, bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting, and electrolyte imbalance. Contamination has become so widespread that DHMO is found in every body of water in the world and in almost every product known to mankind, being universally used as industrial solvent and coolant; employed in Styrofoam and pesticide production; and added as an ingredient in numerous food items, particularly junk foods.
Commentary: Dihydrogen monoxide is the scientific name for H2O or water. By substituting every occurrence of DHMO, you will surely get the joke. A series of fundamentally true statements were ingeniously presented in a very misleading manner that even a harmless material as water was made to appear like a terrible threat to environmental security and health.
Self-administered Scrotum Repair
Image source
Content Summary: A 40-year old man often ate his lunch alone in the workshop where he regularly sought the thrill of sexually gratifying himself by placing his genitals on the moving fan belt of one of the machineries. One day, in his exhilaration, he lost his concentration leaning a bit forward; and his scrotum got caught into fly wheel that held the fan belt, hurling him a few feet across the floor and detaching his left testicle in the process. Instead of seeking medical attention, he used an industrial staple gun on himself to close the wound, and then went about his work when his co-workers returned. It would be two weeks before he decided to consult a doctor specializing in men's problems.
Commentary: It is easy to brush aside such a gruesome story as a salacious joke, but shockingly, it's TRUE. This was absolutely the most innovative use of an industrial staple gun you'll ever encounter. The source was the now-celebrated article written by the attending physician Dr. William Morton, Jr. for the July 1991 periodical issue of the Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality.
Cockroach Hatched in a Woman's Tongue
Image source
Content Summary: A woman employed in the postal office got a paper cut one day while wetting the glue strip on an envelope with her tongue. A week later, she consulted a doctor after noticing an abnormal swelling of her tongue, but found nothing wrong. Another few days had passed, her tongue swelled even more and gotten really painful that she could not eat. So she returned to the hospital to have her tongue x-rayed, revealing a lump or a cyst. However, when the doctor made an incision on her tongue, a live cockroach crawled out. The seal of the envelope had been infested with roach eggs, which hatched inside her tongue due to its warm and moist surrounding.
