Family = Foes
No matter how much her eyes still look as lifeless as the day you married her, that is no longer your wife. Yeah, your boyfriend always did lie on the couch for hours staring at the television mindlessly, but did he always drool like that? And how long has it been since your husband actually stared at you with such hungry eyes? Think about it - no matter how little your loved ones personality has changed, they're no longer within that shell you've had such sweet memories with.
Your loved ones are your greatest enemies once the zombie virus begins to run rampant. If only you'd taken this advice to your beating heart, it would still be pumping blood through your veins. Do them a favor while doing yourself a favor - put them out of their misery before you join them.
Hunger Is Their Downfall, As Well As Yours
Their only purpose on this Earth is to feed upon your flesh, but you couldn't help but walk into that grocery store with the glass front doors to pick up some booze so you could get hammered, or a new bright flash light, so you could race even faster towards the open mouth of a zombie with even more terrible choices. Why don't you just lie on the road right now - maybe a car of an intelligent survivor will run over you before the zombies dirty nails begin to dig into your flesh.
Food is necessary - yes - but the nearest chain super-mart is likely to be overrun with its past vindictive employees. You're much better off hitting a mom-and-pop store. There will be fewer employees - which means fewer mouths and hands to latch on to your bare skin.
Speaking of…
Appearance is Everything
Oh, I know, your long hair is your pride and joy! The way it swings around, how it always falls in to place just perfectly so as to accentuate your best facial features! You simply cannot cut it off? Very well, all the easier for them to yank with their bloodied hands while the rest of us run off to safety.
This is not a fashion show, people. This is survival. Shave your head. Wear thick, tight clothes with long sleeves so if they have less to grab, and have another obstacle to get through to gain access your fleshy parts.
Nowhere is Safe
“The army has set up a barracks just ten miles north of the city,” your car radio undoubtedly told you, “All survivors are welcomed.”
It sounds so promising, especially if your car is running out of gas and you haven't seen another living human in days. But time is never on your side in this situation. How long has that announcement been on? Once you reach the barracks, who knows what you'll find? The new Dystopian Empire? Quite possibly.
But even more possibly - zombies in uniform.
Weapons Can Work Against You
It's unnecessary to reload knives, and if the undead happen to grip the end of it, the sharp, pointy bits will surely maim and offset them more than an empty barrel of a gun ever would.
Also something to remember, any weapon used against the undead will likely draw blood - keep your jaw shut. Witty puns are best left for the movies. Oh, and challenging a zombie to fisticuffs usually never ends in your favor - try to keep a weapon on you at all times, and whenever you can, run.
Dogs Aren't a Choice Alarm System - Unless You're The Undead
Fido has been your faithful companion for years - yapping happily in your purse and eating your shoes. Once the zombies begin to afflict humans, it is only time before the virus infects trans-species. That zombie you've just killed? Yeah, not only did Fido attract said zombie with its incessant bark to your perfect hiding place, but it just ate its rotting thumb. Nipping at your toes doesn't seem like such a playful action anymore, does it?
Never Check To See if You've Truly Killed the Undead
Rookie mistakes will get you killed in a zombie run world, and nothing is more of a rookie mistake than checking to see if your latest conquest has really departed this hellish earth. How are you going to check, anyways? Look for the heartbeat? See if it's breathing? Lift open its eyelids to see if the reddened irises lock onto yours once more?
Just don't do it.
The best thing to do after successfully defeating your foe? Run. You should be used to running by now.
