You may have missed these headlines this week. You really shouldn't have. Here's a recap of twenty-one of the more off the wall stories for the week of June 3rd, 2007.
Headlines
“Let's cut some red tape.”
Leading off this week is a story about 9-11. So what is so funny about 9-11, you ask? Well, nothing. However, one of the most strict government rules in this, our post 9-11 world, was to require U.S. citizens to have a passport to fly to and from Canada, Mexico, and the Caribbean. The rule was put in place to help tighten border security, but is soon to be temporarily suspended. Why? Because the law has created a huge queue of passport candidates that the State Department is unable to process in a timely manner.
That sound like a good idea. Let's nix about the only post 9-11 law that I agree with because the government is too busy.
“And then I stuck my tongue out at him.”
Jayna Hutchinson was arrested on July 31st of last year for cruelty to a police animal and resisting arrest. As it turns out, the cruelty centered around a mean face. Hutchinson, who blew a .21 on a breathalyser, reportedly approached the canine and stuck her face in the dog's in a “taunting and harassing manner.” Charges have now been dropped in the cruelty case, as prosecutors feel that it would have been hard to convict her without the dog's testimony.
I'm glad the charges were dropped. By this description, I taunt my dogs several times a day.
“Yet another reason to not smoke crack.”
Tonya Bell decided that the best thing for her to do on a Saturday night was to crash Unifest, a festival in Washington. When I say crash, I mean crash into... with a car... at 70 miles an hour. Bell has been charged with aggravated assault and additional charges may be pending, including a drug charge. She reportedly told police at the scene that she had been “smoking crack all day.”
Which reminds me. It's been an awful long time since I got high on crack and drove my car into a street full of people. I need to get around to that.
“Some drug dealers are actually OK people.”
Another terror plot has been stopped this week, this one aimed at a fuel pipeline heading into John F. Kennedy Airport in New York. The twist in this story is that the police were tipped off by a drug dealer, leading many to rethink the whole good-bad thing.
Let me get this straight; drugs are bad, drug dealers are good?
“Gotta get me some porn!”
Paul and Sheryl Giesbrect look like the model couple on the surface. Paul is a California minister, and his wife of 26 years, Sheryl, is a spiritual broadcaster. They met while attending a Christian university. Everything was going great, until Paul admitted that he is addicted to Internet porn, an obsession that sometimes kept the pornographic preacher clicking away for hours at a time. He has remained open about the addiction, even talking about it with his congregation.
What church was that again?
“That was sweet! Let's do it again!”
A Michigan man of undisclosed identity successfully got his wheelchair going 50 miles an hour on a local highway. His secret was the tractor trailer to which he was stuck. Apparently he had wheeled the speed machine in front of the truck while it was stopped at a local gas station and it somehow became tangled in the grille. The man was unharmed, but did spill his beverage.
Easy. There's a beverage involved, man.
“I'll tell you what I'm going to do...”
It always surprises me what people will do to food service employees that they would never do to someone, say, at the local grocery store. Add to the huge list attacking the manager with a machete. That is exactly what an angry customer did to the manager of a pizza shop when he believed his food had taken too long in arriving. The manager sustained cuts while trying to protect himself.
What really infuriates me about this is that, had the manager given any of his customers dirty looks that night, he would have probably been in danger of losing his job.
“Me and God, we have an understanding.”
The leaders in the push to become the Democratic presidential candidate are taking a little time out to give a lesson on God. John Edwards, Barack Obama, and Hillary Clinton all three decided to lay a little amen on the line in a recent open forum, with Clinton going as far as saying that without her faith, she would not have made it through.
