The Fly Away Peter
“Don't point that beard at me. It might go off.” - Groucho Marx
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A slightly windswept look, this gentleman could be going for a job as an extra in a Christopher Lee film. Any of them. Subtly shaped to help any stray food make an easy and smooth transition to the mouth, this fly away look is inspired by Chewbacca. The Two At Once
“You cannot grow a beard in a moment of passion.” - G K Chesterton
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Do not argue with this guy - especially if there are two of you at his sides. With a movement that the naked eye would find it difficult to track, he will have your eyes out in a second. Perfect for persuading would-be muggers that they had better make do with little old ladies. The Cousin It
“Wisdom is in the head and not in the beard.” - Swedish Proverb
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Of course, wisdom could be found in both the beard and the head - though it might be a sight to see this gentleman do an alcohol test for the local constabulary. A Twenty First Century take on Addams Family chic, this is the real IT guy around town. The Militaire
“He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man” - William Shakespeare
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Beards may be a little out of fashion at the moment, but there is retro and then there is this gentleman! One wonders what the Victorian ladies would make of him should he travel back in time. Would they, unlike the Queen of England, be amused? The High Flyer
“Chins without beards deserve no honor.” Spanish Proverb
The piece de resistance here is the propeller on the chin. There is something about this fly boy that indicates a little, er, eccentricity, but he certainly takes his hair seriously! Two and a half thousand years ago the philosopher Herodotus said that if a man insisted always on being serious, and never allowed himself a bit of fun and relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it. He had a point. Image Source - Image Source
The Whirligig
“There was an old man with a beard, Who said: "It is just as I feared! Two owls and a hen, Four larks and a wren Have all built their nests in my beard” - Edward Lear
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John Harford maintained that the whole universe is based on rhythms. Everything happens in circles, in spirals. This idea can be taken to extremes and here is possible proof. Simba"s Circle of Life pales in comparison! The Toff
“Kissing a man with a beard is a lot like going to a picnic. You don't mind going through a little bush to get there!” - Minnie Pearl
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The trouble with being posh is that there is always going to be someone who is posher. It looks as if the horses at Ascot rushed by at such speed that they had a certain effect on this gentleman's beard! In this day and age, though, being posh usually just means that you will pay more tax and take longer getting to work. The Holier Than Thou
“For me, the great problem growing up in England was that I had a very narrow concept of what God can be, and it was damn close to an old man with a beard.” John Cleese
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Albert Einstein was convinced that God doesn't play dice. With this particular take on Moses, I would at least hope that he was keeping his fingers crossed! The Curly Whirly
“It's hell with that big beard and stuff. That's the one bit I don't like. Either you take out at lunch or you don't eat. So I opted not to eat, "cause having to put it on twice is horrific.” Robbie Coltrane on his role as Hagrid in the Harry Potter films.
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Where there is no extravagance there is no love, so said Oscar Wilde, and where there is no love there is no understanding. This rather understated beard could be said to be the epitome of what Wilde meant - in which case the gentleman here must be the most loving guy in the world! The Any Which Way
“Maybe! Maybe! Maybe if your aunt had a beard, she"d be your uncle.” - Alvah Bessie
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Everything has a moral in this life. If only we could find it! The point of these beards (bad word gag, I know) isn't so much to show off, though to say that their owners were not exhibitionists might be a slight mistruth. However, life being something less than a dress rehearsal, I have to point out an important part of the American constitution here. That involves something called the “pursuit of happiness”.
Perhaps this is the hirsute of happiness, but still, if you look at the smiles on most of these gentlemen, you get the impression that they are vigorously pursuing!
(These photos were all taken at various beard and moustache competitions between 2005 and 2007)
