1. You betcha going to have a promising New Year if you don't lose your job
2. Never go skinny-dipping in the middle of an Alaskan winter
3. You're a real swine if you put lipstick on a pig
4. Run for Vice President and you too can be rich and famous
5. The bailout is not good unless it does good things in which case it is…
6. Running for President is like playing hockey, the goal of the game is to score big and win
7. If you look across Alaska real hard, you too can see Russia
8. I'm not opposed to a marriage being gay. We all like to see a happy marriage.
9. Golly gee, I can't wait until you read my book, “Don't Get Mad, Get Even.”.
10. I wonder whatever became of John “what's his name” who ran with me to become President

1. "Obama's not black. He's Hawaiian and Asian. Just has a really deep tan."

2. "I don't want the President to be Muslim. He'll make us wear ugly clothes."

3. "Who are you gonna vote for dictator?"

4. "McCain is old but Obama is a man whore. If he wins I'll move to Iraq then sleep with him."

5. "Who's Obama anyway?"

I can see the attack ads now; Jesus's apostle would betray him for 30 pieces of silver.  Do you really want somebody who associates with traitors?  Jesus knew Judas would betray him and he still associated with the man.  Can you trust someone whose own friends would leave them to die?

Turned Water into Wine

Even though he might gets college students votes everywhere I think this would be a negative for Jesus.  Mothers against Drunk Driving would be all over this one.  Do you really want someone that promotes drinking excessively?  Hundreds of people die every year from alcohol related deaths and that would only get worse if Jesus gets elected.  Don't let him his powers to hurt us.

Temper

When ordinary citizens where trying to make a living and sell livestock at the temple Jesus became violent and overturned there tables and pouring out there money calling it a “den of robbers”.  Do we want somebody that destroys private property and attacks innocent people?  Can we afford to elect someone who has a history of violent behavior?

1. Talk to strangers in back of you and in front of you. Plan on doing a lot of small talk. For example, have you seen all the foreclosed homes in your neighborhood? I wonder if Sarah Palin's ever had plastic surgery. Can I come over your house for Thanksgiving?
2. Plan on reading a book like War and Peace. You can also read Time Magazine, Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Issue, and the obituary column of your local newspaper.
3. Read all the campaign literature that you picked up as you were entering the building to vote
4. Look at your watch every thirty seconds. Be careful with this suggestion. You just might get a neck cramp.
5. Complain out loud about the long lines. Tell everyone that your feet are killing you. Tell everyone that if you don't vote soon, you'll end up going to the bathroom while in line. You just might get pushed to the front of the line.
6. Scratch your head, adjust your tie, blow your nose, and other quirks to drive everyone around you nuts
7. Feel your forehead and tell everyone that you are sick and about to pass out. You just might get a pass up to the front of the line.
8. Tell the volunteers that they are doing a wonderful job. Offer to date the cutest worker in the group. Don't be shy. There may be one volunteer that is under 65 years old.
9. Start sounding like a sports announcer and give play-by-play coverage of the voters in the room. Describe the tensions and anxieties in the room.
10. Polish your nails if you're a lady. Polish your forehead if you're a guy. Offer to give free massage therapy to anyone in line. Do some palm reading or some hand writing analysis. Go ahead and be creative. You've got two hours to kill.

It's almost here. The Election Day is upon us. You want to stay up and watch the results. Here are ten ways to stay awake during the long, election night:

1. Start making a rubber band ball. This should take you hours to do.
2. Read all those Reader Digests that have been collecting dust
3. Have your rubber brick on hand whenever the votes don't go your way
4. Have your remote control firmly in your grip. Change channels every minute to get all the results.
5. Take frequent bathroom breaks in order to maintain your sanity
6. Play with your hand held video games until your wrists start to feel as limp as wet noodles
7. Check all the results online. Be glued to your computer screen. If anyone tries to disturb you, put some headphones on and make disgustingly annoying faces.
8. Eat every snack in the house. This is no time to diet. Our nation needs your attention.
9. Insist on taking care of the baby. After all, you're not going to sleep anyway. Perhaps your baby girl can learn about freedom and democracy. (Yeah right)
10. Do the election wave. Every time results go your way, stand up and do a jig, reach for the ceiling, and down another doughnut. A glazed doughnut would be best since it would match the look in your eyes.

... A presidential candidate can have his Governor-brother rig the votes in a particular state, and drag out the recount process until everyone is fed up with hearing about it...and then, voila, he is declared the winner.

...If a person is against ILLEGAL immigration into this country, the media will attempt to portray that person as being against ALL immigration.

... If a politician is found guilty of stealing money, accepting bribes, and perjuring himself, he is sentenced to a 'countryclub' prison for, maybe, ten years at the max. But if a 'commoner' is found guilty of these same types of crimes, he can kiss his butt goodbye for, most likely, the rest of his life.

...If a person dresses nicely, he/she is considered to be more trustworthy than an individual who wears an old T-shirt and jeans.

...If a company refuses to hire a person because his/her tattoos do not 'fit the company's image', it is still acceptable, image-wise, for this same company to promote poor or unsafe working conditions, and low wages for the amount of work required.

...If a person is EXCELLENT at doing his/her job, this individual will not be promoted as rapidly as one of the lazier or more moronic employees...if you're too good at your job, they want to KEEP you there!

...If a person is in debt due to too many bills and not enough income, that individual has to live with the consequences...but if Wall Street mismanages it's money, THE PEOPLE GET TO PAY THIS DEBT, TOO!

...If the President never declares that we are in a recession, then we won't be. Never mind the fact that two fiscal periods in a row that have either no growth or slip economically backwards is the definition of...A RECESSION!

...If minimum wage is too low to live on without working eighty or more hours a week, it is still alright to not change it to a more realistic level!

...If major corporations can get large tax breaks, tax shelters, etc, it is still alright to not allow the same for small businesses.

...If politicians desire more money to spend, it is alright for them to raise our taxes, implement new taxes, and to treat us as their personal Money Tree.

...If our elected officials are suppose to represent The People, it is still alright for Special Interest Groups to send in Lobbiests to persuade and even bribe these politicians to act on things that may not be in our best interest.

...If our military is supposed to protect us from 'enemies, foreign and domestic', then why are so many of our politicians still in office and not in prison?!

If our country, our rights, and our lives are to improve, then WE, THE PEOPLE must become more politically aware and involved. Phone, write, or email those who are supposed to be listening to and representing you. Make them wish they had never made you mad!

Carol cried herself to sleep the night before Nov. 4th 2008, Presidential Election Day. She cried from all of her wounds that led her to become an unwed, single mother, stealing all of her life's love, wants, and desires away from her. Heavily medicated from her depression pills, she'd awoken at 3pm on Nov. 4th 2008, Presidential Election Day, to discover she was fully dressed and wondered how and why. Sleepwalking, Carol had gotten dressed, walked across the street to her designated place to vote, voted, then had returned home to her bed.

Sandy was accused of murdering her husband. She hadn't the evidence to prove herself innocent and was on the run while she gathered the proof. On Nov. 4th 2008, Presidential Election Day, she knew the Feds would be on the lookout for her. In disguise and as a cripple in a wheelchair, she was the first in and the first out to vote at her designated voting place.

It was Sugathri's wedding day, the day before the Presidential Election. According to her family custom, the ceremony and reception was to last three days. On Nov. 4th 2008, Presidential Election Day, it was announced by the bride's father, that everyone was to gather into the mini caravan arranged to take family and friends to their voting place, vote, and then return by 6pm when the grand party celebration to the newly married couple was to continue.

1. Barbie is a doll. Dolls cannot vote.
2. Barbie is too small to reach the voting booth
3. Barbie can only vote for other dolls. She cannot vote for humans.
4. Barbie does not have one residence
5. Barbie is not an American. She came from China.
6. Barbie doesn't know how to vote and cannot read the ballot
7. Barbie is not a registered voter. She has no permanent identification.
8. Barbie only wants to vote to impress Ken. This will not work since Ken cannot vote either.
9. Barbie changes her mind every minute. Just like Barbie changes her careers at the drop of a hat, she also changes her mind on whether she really wants to vote.
10. Barbie wants to vote because there is a woman on the ticket. Unfortunately, Barbie mistakes the woman for a plastic doll.

My political party will be one called the “Truthmongers.” It is not my phrase, but seems to fit with how I intend to run my campaign. There are too many political candidates who seem to only say what they think the people want to hear, and consequently what will get them elected. As a member of the newly formed Truthmonger party, however, I could really give a candle's chance in the wind about what you want to hear. I promise to do and say nothing more than what I truly believe. You may not agree with what I stand for, but you can be sure that what I say is what I feel and what I mean.

You may not like where I stand, but you will know where I stand. I would refuse any vote cast toward me if it is done for any action I take if that action is dishonest.

There will be plenty of time between now and the election in 2016 for me to tell you all about how I feel in regards to everything. Perhaps today, however, is not the time to start soapboxing. I will, instead, tell you a little about myself to tide you over.

I am, currently, 31 years old and live in a small town in eastern Ohio called Barnesville, where I grew up and, with the exception of a brief 8-year span of living in Columbus, have lived all of my life. In a monetary sense, I am not a rich person, but have a fantastic family that more than makes up for a modest income. My parents are both from the area, with my mother also being a Barnesville native, and my father from a small town just 7 miles south of where I sit and write. They live today just across town on the same street that I do. The house where my father was born is now owned by my oldest brother where he lives with his family, in that sleepy little 200-person town just 7 miles south on the same State Route that runs outside of my door. My other older brother and his family live just two hours away outside of Columbus.

I am the lead manager of a fast food restaurant, a McDonald's to be exact, that I run for a lady that I have known and considered a friend for almost half of my life. It is, so to say, my day job. In my time not spent there, I work at being a writer, freelancing as I choose, although it is done more for the enjoyment than the small paychecks I get for the actual product. The rest of my time is spent working on my house and caring for my dogs, of which there are currently five living with me. One cocker spaniel, one border collie/pointer, a rottweiler/corgi, a black lab, and an German Shepard mix. They spend their time trying their best to make me crazy, but I would not trade any of them for the world.

I think that, for today, this brief introduction will be enough. In the weeks to come I will be sure to start posting about the things I feel strongly about, so that you can get to know me even better. Until then, keep hope alive, and take care of each other.