Talking on a cell phone has been paralleled with drunk driving, in lieu of the fact that it has been proven to slow down reaction time, the inability to recognize danger and one-handed steering so a vehicle is harder to control. According to Human Factors quarterly journal, "Cell phone distraction causes 2,600 deaths and 330,000 injuries in the United States every year." Yet the drunks are put through the ringer while cell phoners aren't even cited most times.

Cell phone talkers can receive tickets for "distracted driving," however most times damage or an accident has to occur before they will be cited. If accident or injury do occur the distracted driver can also be sued for negligence, which can be costly for just getting wrapped up in a conversation.

Even if they aren't out there causing accidents they are still impeding the flow of traffic and may be partly to blame for the heavy traffic on the I-10 or I-17 in the early mornings and afternoons. An article written by Robert Roy Britt cited a study showing "Drivers talking on cell phones were 18 percent slower to react to brake lights. In a minor bright note, they also kept a 12 per cent greater following distance. But they also took 17 per cent longer to regain the speed they lost when they braked."

Anybody that has ever owned a cell phone is probably guilty of this, workmen are forced to do this for their jobs and the "important" people will always have to take "important" calls. People talk on their phones regardless if they are in heavy traffic behind your family member or in a school zone when your child is being let out. Why should they care about the cars or people around them?

The next time you're driving along and you hop on that phone and say "I can talk, I'm just driving," what you are really saying is ,"Yeah I can talk I'm just driving down Bell road at 45 mph in stop-and-go traffic wrapped up in 2,000 lbs. of steel surounded by dozens of innocent people that are about to pay for my inability to deal with the smallest amount boredom, did you buy that salad dressing I like?"

Quaker Parrots

Quaker parrots are a very fun and affectionate parrot; they are also the only parrot That builds a nest. The Quakers link their nests together to form a giant condominium Like structure. These nests can reach weights greater than 200 lbs.

Birds they truly are glorious creatures and to survive every bird must eat at least half Of its body weight in food each day. And when a bird is at rest its heart beats 400 Times per minute. Also bird's feathers weigh more than its skeleton does. They Truly are fascinating creatures, and there gift of flight is such a glorious gift.

Eagles

What glorious and beautiful creatures they are. The strike from eagle's talons Is so powerful that its force is twice that of a rifle bullet. Wow that really is Powerful.

Humming Birds

Humming birds are they cutest little birds, the smallest bird in the world is The bee humming bird. They are only 2.5 inches long and only weigh 0.06 oz And also the humming bird is the only bird that can fly backwards and sideways.

Fastest Flying Birds

Have you ever wondered what the fastest flying bird is, or how fast birds can fly? Well the Pereqrine falcon has clocked at 90mph {they are know as the fast bird} the spine-tailed Swift has been clocked at 90-100mph. The harpy eagle has been clocked at 37-50mph, and a Mallard duck has been clocked at 65 mph. Wow that is fast, that must be one reason why man kind has always been fascinated with birds gift of flight.

Pet Parrots

Parrots have the potential to make excellent, highly interactive pets, prized by their Owners, but always remember parrots are not easy, low maintenance pets. Parrots Will require daily interaction and attention. Parrots can be a rewarding pet, but Only for the right kind of owner. They truly are amazing and intelligent creatures. So always read up on what parrot you are thinking of getting and know what is Required to take care of them. Remember bringing home a pet parrot is like bringing Home a new baby.

I have loved bids all my life, and I have always admired there ability to soar So high and be so close to world of clouds. Flying has impressed man for Centuries. Many of us have wanted to soar and fly freely in the air. Birds truly Are beautiful creatures born with the gift of flight. Parrots make excellent pets With tons of love and affection to give to us. They are one of gods marvelous Creations.

If you are doing only 1 out of these, then you're filthy. If you're doing 4 of these, then you're still filthy, but not as filthy as only doing one, of course. By doing all these 5 you will become so happy you will want to call your mother so she can congratulate you on being a good clean son / daughter. Stay clean!

Fictitious Situation No. 1

Music Mania. Music Mania.

You are a walking blue note. The biggest fan and music addict there is. You also happen to know a fair amount about it and on momentary sprouts of confidence you’ll admit to yourself (or to anyone who will listen) that you reckon you’d make a pretty good music journalist. Or at least, you’re more than capable to write a couple reviews for a tiny, underground online magazine that publish articles strung together by questionable grammar and several typo’s. But alas, no! You do not make the cut.

So.........

Get ready for angry hate mail sending week. You are now the proud owner of the editor’s email address, a Miss ‘Music Lover McGee’. I think she should know where every single one of those typo’s occur don’t you? And how about those incorrect record release dates in articles A, B and C? What of those? Who edits this magazine anyway? Remember, you are only a caring fan reader striving for mere improvement. That is all. Two or three emails a day of this nature should do the trick. Always use formal letter structures, yours sincerely’s and thank you’s are in order. You’re bitter, but always damn polite. Courteous harassment... It really is an art.

Fictitious Situation No. 2

A few last words sum up a 25,000 word children’s book you and your illustrator friend have been working on for the past year and you are insanely content and maybe a little smug. The mission of sending it to literary agents ensues. You set your sights on one special agency that you think will match your creative vision (and other similar pretentious reasons.) We will call it Ferguson and Lamberthonson Agencies. You wait the 7, 9, 10 weeks for the reply, living in a cloud of dreamed up literary success. You are overwhelmed with the incredible possibilities that would arise in the situation that this one agency would give you, this tiny, little, insignificant person in the world, an actual chance.

A rejection letter arrives shortly afterwards and blows this hopeful and optimistic frenzy to smithereens. For the next few months, the words ‘You Suck’ are branded all over your body. They float in your cereal, chase you around in the street, sit next to you on the bus and pollute your dreams at night.

So............

The beauty of literary agents is that they have to make their addresses very well known to the public. So you live in London, Birmingham, Reykjavik, Addis Ababa or even Sydney, Australia and you apply to a little agency in Glasgow, Scotland - You go there! Walk it, bus it, train it, hike it, swim it or fly it. If you care enough, you’ll go. So if you’re foreign to the place, enjoy the sites, eat the local foods, and mingle with local girls and boys. Then – Locate Ferguson and Lamberthonson (or other chosen agency. Hassle (or bribe, play it by ear) the receptionist or the security guard to tell you the name of the person in charge of manuscripts if you don’t know this already. Personally run in letters addressed to this person politely requesting a meeting (with ‘I am waiting outside for the response’ in small print at the bottom) all day. Should this be ignored, together with your illustrator friend (or other chosen partner in crime) make giant posters and plaster them all over the place. Draw your character – little ‘Sammy Joe’ or ‘Curly Red-Haired Sally’ with a long, sad face, begging and pleading for a second chance, one last little glance at the manuscript. Bring your new Glaswegian friends and have them yell stuff in repetitive and annoying manners. Set up tents, make balloons, play guitar, eat more local delicacies (in this case black pudding, ew) and cartwheel around the place until you throw up. Whatever.

Sometimes, harassing people won’t get you very far and even after doing all these things, you probably won't get a book publishing deal or a job writing for Rolling Stone Magazine. There is only one solution that remains. 

Find a nice corner of your flat and stand on your head with your legs in lotus position. Stay there for a while. The blood rushing into your brain and into your eyes blurs any sense of the reality of rejection away. Once you’ve held on until the brink of unconsciousness, your body will slither down the walls and fall onto the ground and you’ll be so fuzzy-headed that you’ll crawl over to your laptop and start the whole applying and submitting process again.

Better luck next time huh!

(20th Century Fox and Dreamworks LLC/Associated Press Photo)

1. Find Water

   Now most uninhabited islands are uninhabited because of one thing…the lack of fresh water. So if finding a stream fails the next best thing is to drink coconut milk. The milk from a fresh coconut is high in potassium and other essential minerals which is great for the human body. What you don't want however is to have to rely on coconut milk as your only source of hydration as to much will cause your bowels to move much more frequently and without warning.
   
   Until the first rains come, coconut milk is a great alternative and once it does rain, collect the rain water using tea tree leaves as funnels into your left over coconut shells. In minutes, the run off from a few of these leaves will give you some much needed fresh water.

2. Build a Signal Fire

   Passing ships and planes should pass nearby your Pacific Island fairly frequently as the Pacific has major shipping lanes right throughout. What you need to do is build yourself a signal fire using tinder from the hibiscus tree which is prevalent on most Pacific Islands. Build a tepee style bundle from dead and dried palm leaves over top of the tinder, and place green palm leaves on top as the green leaves produce more thick, whiter smoke. Don't light the fire however until you are sure that it is a plane or ship that you can see.
   
   How do you light this signal fire you say? Well of course another fire will need to be started also, not just to light your signal fire, but to cook, keep the insects away, and give you light and warmth at night. The best way to start this fire is by using a spindle, maybe cedar or another hard wood, and rubbing it against a dead piece of hibiscus which flakes fairly easily. Once smoking, place your tinder upon the hibiscus and blow lightly on it. Friction based methods of fire starting are by far the hardest and most frustrating. If you can find some bits and pieces from your downed plane, do it.
   
   
   (photo source: moregyan4u.files.wordpress.com)

3. Build a Shelter

   Ideally you would want to build a shelter up off the beach so as to give you more natural shelter from the elements and the high tide. But when looking to be seen from the air, out in the open would be a more suitable place. Obviously you won't be able to build a lean-to on the beach unless you have a sizeable rock to build against so your next best bet is to build a square frame from bamboo which is hard but flexible. Use two Y shaped sticks to dig into the ground at the front and lash your bamboo together using the hibiscus bark which peels off like string and is very resilient. Lean the front of the bamboo frame on the Y shaped sticks and leave the back end on the ground. Place palm leaves over the top, layered from the bottom up so as to provide better water proofing. Dead palm leaves will ensure that unwanted sand getting into various orifices from the bottom of your shelter is kept to a minimum.

4. Find Food

   Now as well as the coconut milk, the meat from a coconut is great eating but again will leave you with bowel problems if too much is eaten at once. So for that much needed protein fix, other meat is definitely required. Now most islands in the pacific boast an array of birdlife and pigs which however, can prove to be quite taxing to obtain for a meal. But there is definitely no shortage of fish and it's definitely your best bet for a quick feed. Make yourself a spear out of a bamboo shoot by splitting one end into for pieces and creating prongs by inserting sticks between each split and then sharpening the ends with a splintered piece of rock. Use the spear in the shallower waters to dive for the abundance of life in the ocean. Make sure to aim around 6 inches in front of your target for the perfect catch and watch for tiger sharks also on the hunt for food in the warm Pacific waters.
   
   To cook your catch, make yourself an umu or hangi pit which is like an underground oven. To do this dig yourself a hole in the ground and layer the bottom with hot rocks heated from your fire. Wrap the fish in palm leaves so as to trap the moisture inside and also keep it from soiling after placing the sand back on top. In an hour or so, beautiful steamed fish will be melting in your mouth.

5. Wait

   Bide your time by taking a dip in the tranquil waters, ensuring your signal fire is ready to be lit at any stage, hunting, and generally keeping yourself sane. Alternately, you could start the construction of a raft made from bamboo, which has great flotation qualities because of the air pockets inside the wood, and lashed together with hibiscus tree bark. Use a catamaran style which has been used by Polynesians for thousands of years to travel long distances. A sail will be needed to ensure you catch the all important trade winds and don't just travel with the currents. A sail can be constructed by weaving and plaiting palm leaves together and attaching it to a bamboo frame. It sounds fairly straight forward but could take you a while to construct. Remember though when stranded on a deserted island, all you have is time.
   
   
   (photo source: images.salon.com)

It is entirely possible to spend your entire vacation on winding mountain roads stuck behind a large motorhome.

The guitar from the noisy kid in the next campsite makes excellent kindling.

Check the washing instructions on all clothing before buying for a camping trip. Buy only clothes that read " Beat on rock in stream."

A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes a great side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes a great hockey puck.

In emergency situations, you can survive in the wild by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic in your underwear.

Bear bells provide an element of safety for campers in bear country. The tricky part is getting the bears to wear them.

You can start a fire without matches by eating Mexican food, then breathing on dry sticks.

A large carp makes a great pillow.

The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for ages. The sight of a bald man, however, does nothing for the eagle.

In the event of an emergency, the drawstring from a parka can be used to strangle a snoring tent mate.

Hope you enjoyed the giggles. Now get out in the wild and have fun!

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

Ketchup was used as a medicine in the eighteenth century.

English speakers in China are more than the population of the United States of America.

Chewing gum while chopping onions prevents tears.

The amount of chicken in the whole world are more than the amount of the all living people on earth.

The cat has more than 32 muscles in each ear.

You can never kill your self by holding your breathe because the human body have reflex security actions that will stop us.

All laser printers are invented by women.

Honey is the only kind of food that doesn't decompose.

A person can never lick his elbow.

The crocodile can't take his tongue out.

Physically, the pig can't look up to the sky.

If you sneeze too hard you can break some ribs and if you hold it a blood vessel may explode in your neck or head.

If you sneeze with your eyes open they will explode.

The duck's voice doesn't have an echo anywhere and no one knows why.

Coca-cola was green colored originally.

Smart people have high percentage of copper and zinc in their bodies.

Males can read small letters more than the females but females can hear better than males.

When a guest tells you he wanted a Coke, but your memory and your notepad and perhaps even everyone else at the table (the ones not paying the check) tell you he wanted iced tea, the iced tea you brought is wrong. Shame on you.

Tipping Out

Let's say the busser for your section did a fantastic job during your shift. Let's also say you had guests order scores of mixed alcoholic beverages, requiring the bartender to sweat bullets getting them out. Let's further imagine you split a couple parties of, oh, say ten people each and all their tips with another server. Let's finally recall that your guests do not care about any of that. Math time: average tips in - conscientious tips out = (approximately) crap in a bucket.

Groceries

You can't afford those.

Children and Their Parents

“I'm so sorry,” your guest tells you, “he spilled his drink again!” “Oh, that's all right,” you say, wearing a bright smile as you bend down with a towel. “Maybe we should try a kid's cup with a lid this time?” “Oh no,” your guest tells you, “he'll just throw an even bigger fit if he gets a cup that looks even LESS like a beer glass. Tell you what, why don't you bring him a plate of melted butter for him to lick on? That'll make him happy.” “Certainly, ma'am,” you say, on your way back to retrieve three more towels.

You are a Remedial Economics Teacher

Your guests are up in arms. They did not know - because YOU did not inform them - that their drinks, their appetizers, their salads, their scoops of ice cream with whipped topping and peanuts and chocolate sauce and caramel sauce and three cherries each (ingredients which all come from different places in your restaurant), were not complimentary. You apologize profusely for not reading the menu aloud for them. Your manager apologizes and clears their checks. They leave jubilant, assured they have no responsibility to pay for anything that has occurred over the past two hours. You are ecstatic for them.

No Moving Up

The professional ladder is more like a step stool. If you are not serving, you are in some form of management. If you are in management, you are waiting to die. (That is, unless you find you really enjoy it. In that case, we've solved the mystery of why you're failing to comprehend the content of this article.) Also, no raises. More about that below.

Conversation

Your guests will ask you if you are in school, no matter how old you look. You will either tell them yes, and then answer the follow-up question about your major, or you will tell them when you graduated and what your major was. If the former, they will wish you luck. If the latter, they will smile solemnly and turn their pity into renewed hunger. Either way, your answer will provide some rationalization for a sub-par tip. You will go to your next table and repeat.

Same-Side Sitters

There is room on both sides, but your couple will not utilize this room. They must have as many parts of their bodies in contact with one another as possible. This is because they have something special: they are one. If you do not acknowledge their deep abiding passion for one another with a good, audible, “awww”, you will betray yourself as an enemy of love. They will view you as an intruder in the sacred folds of their union and they will tip you or not tip you accordingly. Besides, they know that money is a mere trifle compared with the utter veracity of their love. They know better than you how little you really need that cash and how much you have been longing for something much, much more worthwhile.

Birthdays

It is Mrs. Checkpayer's birthday, and initially she is on your side. She silently communicates that she wants no fuss. In fact, she secretly wants no one in her group of eight or so to know that she is afflicted with the curse of aging. Mr. Deadbeat Non-checkpayer, Mrs. Checkpayer's brother, quietly insists upon cake and a song. You look longingly at Mrs. Checkpayer, hoping she heard and will insist otherwise. She does not. You will then neglect every other table you have to prepare a cake, candles, plates and forks, and search desperately for other servers whom you must beg, with your last shred of dignity, to come enrich the musical spectacle to come. Every poor sucker who says yes will then abandon their sections to crowd your table and, depending on your restaurant, you will either begin leading the group in the happy birthday song or some abhorrent creation adapted from the most embarrassing backlogs of music in the public domain. Mr. Deadbeat will be in stitches, as though there were no better entertainment in the world than to watch his older sister squirm. Mrs. Checkpayer will not know whom she despises more, you or her deadbeat brother who won't even be contributing to the cost of the cake. In the end, family ties will win, and the only person to receive any financial assistance from Mrs. Checkpayer, because he still has no job, will be Mr. Deadbeat. Your only earnings will be your coworkers' bitterness, directed at you for forcing them to audibly announce the silly off-key reason they have not even gotten drinks to their tables.

$2.13

You will earn $2.13 (yes, two dollars and thirteen cents) per hour. This has not changed for years, despite economic factors such as inflation or the abolition of slavery, and will most likely not change, ever. True, the restaurant must guarantee you make minimum wage. This means there is a safety net in place for you if you average less than around four or five dollars in tips per hour some week, depending on the minimum wage at the time you are reading this. Somehow this is little consolation to you. The fact is, you probably earn more than that in tips (ever so slightly more), which means the restaurant is never going to have to pay you more than $2.13/hr. This is a good gauge for how much the restaurant values you as an employee. Somewhere between Tom Joad's earning power in The Grapes of Wrath and your financial portfolio at fifteen, working that first job you had cleaning out grease traps with a spoon, this is where falls your value as a restaurant server. But you will not let this discourage you, no. You will pledge to provide $2.13 worth of service every hour, every day you're at work.

With a smile on your face.

The Complainer

How to spot them: This person will bitch and moan about everything in the work environment. If a fly passes by, you will be sure to hear about it. Not only do they think out loud, they complain while they work.

Possible Risks: When coming into contact with a complainer, one will always come across distraction, and complainers often like to spread negativity like a disease.

How to get rid of them : There are a couple of options to stop a complainer. By using the phrase “Well if you're so miserable here, why don't you just quit?” will often stop them in their tracks. They might even take your advice. If this doesn't work, one can always out bitch the complainer. This may take some time, because one must be prepared to complain every two minutes. The complainer may get overwhelmed with the amount of negativity, and simply shut up.

The Gossiper

How to spot them: This person will talk about everybody in the company. They know everyone's business, where they are from, how much they make, and what they did five years ago. Gossipers will have a new story everyday, and most importantly they will never give any information about themselves.

Possible Risks : When coming into contact with a gossiper, do not be fooled with their friendliness, for gossipers are often two faced people. Just because they told you that Veronica is sleeping with the boss, doesn't mean they didn't tell Veronica that you wet the bed until you were sixteen. Do not trust gossipers with any secrets, because breaking them is a hobby. It will be hard to get work done if you are the butt of all jokes.

How to get rid of them : Like the old saying “two can play at that game”, one can get rid of a gossiper by spreading rumors about them. Even if they aren't true, many people will believe it, because no one really trusts the gossiper anyway. If this doesn't work, back up your story by placing incriminating evidence around their work space. Example: photos, email, porn, etc.

The Joker

How to spot them: This person will often be telling jokes, pulling pranks, and goofing around the office. Instead of actually doing work, the joker is playing internet games, or making paper airplanes from the copier machine.

Possible Risks : Even though the joker is fun to be around, no work will ever get done when around them. The joker is very persuasive, and might cause you to participate in their games as well. This is dangerous, because the joker never gets caught for playing games, they always divert the bosses attention to someone else.

How to get rid of them : To get rid of the joker is easy. Simply do not laugh at any of their jokes. When asked to participate in a prank, pretend to be extremely uptight and the joker will never bother you again.

The Slacker

How to spot them: This person is always late to work, calls in once a week, and stares into space for half of the work day. Similar to the complainer, the slacker doesn't like what they are doing, but instead of complaining, slackers find ways for other people to do their jobs for them.

Possible Risks : When in close contact with a slacker, one might feel a wave of laziness in the air. Slackers are the most contagious, because work will become very slow, and maybe even boring as well. Daydreaming is a form of oxygen for a slacker.

How to get rid of them : The key to getting rid of a slacker is by bothering them constantly. Ask them questions, advice, tell them stories, anything to break their concentration from daydreaming. They will be so annoyed that they can't be lazy in peace, that they will actually do their work. Reverse psychology never worked so better.

The Butt Kisser

How to spot them: This person is constantly attached to your bosses hip. Butt kissers are the first to arrive in the morning, the last to leave, and they are always trying to find ways to impress the boss. A butt kisser will follow the company manual word for word, for it is like their bible.

Possible Risks : It will be hard to get a promotion with a butt kisser around, because they are always the one's to step it up in the office. They are the most dangerous of all, because most of the time they are only pretending to work harder than others. Butt kissers make it look so authentic, that they are always the first ones to get a raise.

How to get rid of them : Getting rid of the butt kisser will take a lot of hard work. Doing twice the amount of work expected of you might be a waste of time, because it may be tricky getting your boss away from a butt kisser long enough for them to notice. Try sending out the butt kissers resume to a company in a different country. If the butt kissers accepts the offer in India, you'll be next in line for a promotion. If this doesn't work, cry “sexual harassment” and get them fired.

There will be times when you will have to come in contact with one of these potential work threats. In some cases, you might be forced to work with all of them at the same time. Practicing these certain methods can help you raise to the top of the corporate ladder, and being on top is what everyone strives for. (Unless you're a slacker.)

Disclaimer: Attempting above methods may cause termination, arrest, death, ridicule, blackmail, murder, satisfaction, or pleasure. No co workers were harmed in the writing of this guide.