A few months later, one takes a boat over to the other island to see how the other is doing. When she gets there, she finds her friend standing among a group of natives.

"Greetings! How is it going?" says Blonde Number One.

"Wonderful!" says the other, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!"

She points at a palm tree and says, "What is that?"

The natives, in unison, say, "Zhimbalo-dong!"

She then points at a rock and says, "And that?"

The natives again intone, "Zhimbalo-dong!"

"You see!", says the beaming blonde, "They use the SAME word for 'rock' and for 'palm tree'!"

"That is truly amazing!" says the astonished gal, "On the other island, the same word means 'index finger'!"

Bob: Why did the little blonde girl feel unwanted?

Larry: I don't know. Why?

Bob: Because every Halloween, her parents sent her out dressed as a speed bump!

2

One day a blonde walks into an electronics store and is admiring all of the expensive cell phones, kitchen appliances, computers, gaming systems, and other technology. She finally sees an item that she wants to buy and brings it up to the cashier.

Blonde: I'd like to buy this television please.

Cashier: I'm sorry, but we don't serve dumb blondes.

The blonde walks out of the store, goes to the hair salon, and dyes her hair jet black.

The next day, she walks back into the store, grabs the item she wants, and brings it up to a different cashier.

Blonde: I'd like to buy this TV please.

Cashier: I'm sorry, but we don't sell our wares to dumb blondes.

The blonde walks out of the store and gets a plastic surgery performed on her face.

The next day, she walks into the store, picks up the merchandise she wishes to purchase, and walks up to a different cashier.

Blonde: I'd like to buy this television please.

Cashier: I'm sorry, but we don't serve dumb blondes.

Blonde: I've had my hair dyed and had a plastic surgery done on my face. How can you tell that I'm actually a blonde???!!!

Cashier: Well, that's not a TV you're holding, it's a microwave!

Whoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo, Don't Worry, Be Happy

This little piggy went to market........ wait, no, that's not it, what was I talking about again? Oh yeah, being blonde! Okay, so, being blonde, I never have to come up with an excuse for doing something dumb. My excuse is built right in! It's simple! It's a blonde thing! At the same time, people expect you to do or say something so totally blonde that when you open your mouth and talk about politics in the Olympics you get to enjoy the stunned looks on their faces!

How many other hair colors have this many jokes about them? Really! I have always loved blonde jokes and know a lot of them by heart. Some of them are dirty, some not. I heard a lot of them in high school and some from my dad! Here's an example that not every body I tell it to has heard. What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? Wait for it.......... You can slap a mosquito and it will stop sucking. Okay, I'll admit that was a little dirty. How do you get a blonde on the roof? Tell her the drinks are on the house. Ha Ha. Yeah, I know, that's an old one. So anyway, there are so many blonde jokes out there, in fact, I think the only other people that have the same amount if not more jokes about them is rednecks!

How many of you know a brunette or redhead that really should be blonde? I do! I do! I once worked with a couple of women who did or said some pretty ditsy things and they were both brunettes! We worked for an after school program and one day we lost track of time and forgot to have the kids put the toys away from the playground. When everything was put away we told our supervisor what had happened, she looked at us, grinned and said, "I know Christy's blonde but what's your excuse?" Of course we were all laughing about the whole thing. We had walky talky radios that we used to call for students when they were going home. We would put out an all-call for a student and whoever was in charge of them would respond and send them to the playground to meet their parents. Many times we would start out great only to forget who we were calling for. Like this " This is an all call for ummmmmm, uhhh, wait, Jacob, to the playground please. He's going home." Invariably we would get a call back " Sorry, I don't have ummmm with me today."

People say that old age causes forgetfulness. So does a lot of air in the head. I am forever walking into rooms and forgetting why I went there! I walk back out, remember why I went there, go back in, and forget again! It must be some sort of pressure change in the room's air or something. I once asked a question of somebody twice while on the phone. Realizing I had already asked the question once I apologized saying it was a blonde thing. The guy started yelling at me that not all blondes are dumb, etc., etc. He must have been blonde. Anyway, does anyone else hear that? I hear a hissing sound. What is that? Do you hear it too? OMG! I think I've got an air leak! Somebody stop it! Help! I'm starting to lose my grip on the keyboard........... I'm slippping away. goodbye everyone........

A blonde, a redhead and a man crashed on an uninhabited island. The blonde built a raft and fled the isle. The redhead built a submarine and left the isle. And the man used the bridge 

An old man goes to the doctor.

-Doc, how much longer will I live?

-Do you smoke?

-No..

-Do you drink alcohol?

-NO!

-Do you go out with women?

-At my age, doc, this is impossible!

-Why do you want to live longer then 

A conversation between a gangster and his wife:

-Honey, why are you putting a silencer on your gun today?

-I will work in a library 

Near a police station all the cars drive with 120 mph at limitation of 50. A small, crashed car is the only one to drive at 30 mph. The police officer stops it and asks:

-Where are you sneaking to 

A Ford Fiesta passes by a police station. The police officer stops in the last moment, the driver of the car presses the brakes as much as he can, the tires are melting, and when the car finally stops, the officer goes to the driver. The driver, still shaking, asks:

-Wh.. what is it?

-Hmmm…I considered buying a fiesta like yours, but people told me that its brakes aren't quite good 

The teacher says to the students:

-All dumb people to stand up!

Nobody did so. At some time, Tom did.

-Why did you stand up?

-Well, I felt remorse that you are standing up alone and decided to join 

“I'd like to order a pizza with cheese and pepperoni,” she says.

The pizza man says, “Would you like a small or a medium?”

“I get to pick?” the blonde squeals excitedly. “Okay, um…I'll have a medium.”

“Would you like it cut into six pieces, or twelve?”

“Oh, my goodness, six, of course,” the blonde replies quickly. “I don't think I could eat twelve whole pieces!”

I usually don't drive at night. So I don't use my headlights very often. The few times that I have driven at night with the lights on… I get home turn the car ignition off, open the car door and the headlights go out. It is only the next morning that I realize the lights are still on and so I turn them off.

Last week I had occasion to drive at night. I took a friend out to dinner. When we got back home, as usual, the headlights turned off when I opened the car door. Thinking no more about it I retired for the evening.

The next morning, while driving to work I couldn't get the lights to go off. As is usual for me I was frustrated because something wasn't working right. On my way to work I kept trying to turn the lights out, thinking the switch was experiencing a temporary lapse in proper function. However, even when I arrived at work the lights would not go off when I tried to turn them with the switch inside the car. This was very upsetting to me. Being the kind of person who expects stuff to work right all the time…when they don't I immediately arrange to have it repaired. This time I went to the car dealership service department right after work!

When I told the Service Manager my problem he walked over to my car and easily turned the lights out with the switch by the steering wheel. I was dumbfounded! He used the headlight switch, instead of the windshield wipers to turn them off! Imagine my surprise! Of course, I was smart enough not to tell him my name. If he had asked I would have said Dora Dork.

“Excuse me, Miss, but you were speeding,” the cop tells the blonde driver. “May I see your driver's license, please?”

The blonde driver is puzzled as she searches through her purse. “Um, Officer? What does a driver's license look like?”

“It's got your picture on it,” the blonde cop prompts.

“Oh, here it is!” the blonde driver says. She pulls a compact out of her purse, and looks in its mirror at herself. “This has my picture on it, so it must be my license.”

The blonde policewoman takes the compact from the blonde driver and looks at it. “Oh, I'm sorry, Miss. I didn't realize you were a police officer!”

“Okay,” the angel says, “in order for you to be accepted into this glorious afterlife, you must climb the 100-step Stairway to Heaven. Each step you take, I'll tell you a joke. If you laugh, you'll be sent straight to Hell.”

The brunette went up the Stairway to Heaven first. After climbing 42 steps, the 43rd joke cracked her up, so she fell through the clouds and went to Hell.

The red-head went next. She made it 67 steps, but then she laughed, so she was sent to Hell, too.

The blonde was the last to climb the Stairway to Heaven. By the 99th step, everyone was certain she would make it to Heaven, but when the angel told her the last joke, she started to laugh, so she was sent to Hell like the others.

The three met up in Hell. “What happened?” the brunette asked the blonde.

“Yeah!” said the red-head. “You were so close to getting into Heaven! Why'd you laugh?”

The blonde replied, “I just got the first joke!”