2: I have chronic explosive diarrhea, in fact, I gotta run!

3: Im in labor with quintuplets at the moment. 

4: Im on jury duty for Paris Hilton's case.

5: I OD'd last night and after the ER I just didn't really feel up to it.

6: My fortune cookie told me not to go to work today.

7: My pet octopus developed full-blown AIDs. The vet spent a while taking them all out so I had to provide moral support.

8: I only just got bailed out an hour ago.

9: I was dropped on my head when I was a baby.

10: Well sir, I woke up with an enormous hangover this morning. *Use on a wednesday*

11: I fell asleep watching reruns of Family Guy.

12: The bathroom gnomes stole all the toilet paper so I'm stuck in here for a good while.

13: My kid has a snow day so I think its only fair I get one too.

Throughout my retail management career, I have uncovered some not-so-good excuses that employees have given me after showing up late for work.

I forgot to set my alarm clock back for Daylight Savings Time. (Fall)

This was an employee that had a constant attendance problem. If you forgot to set your clocks back, you would have been an hour early for work! It took the employee about 45 minutes to figure out that that excuse can only work in the Spring, when the clocks are set forward.

I got pulled over on the way to work.

I love this one. You shouldn't have violated any traffic laws. You're late because of you. Don't you dare tell me you were speeding because you wanted to be on time!

My car wouldn't start.

Now this one is almost believable. The last one who told me this excuse was smart enough to ride their bicycle to work that day. Only one problem, they were in the newspaper that night for getting a DWI the day before and losing their license. Good effort though.

My wife forgot to set the alarm.

It wasn't your fault! What an unusual circumstance! When I saw this employee's wife at the Christmas party, that weekend, she was quite shocked to hear how her husband used her as his scapegoat. She proceeded to explain that not only did they have separate alarm clocks, but in the last few weeks, he had been sleeping until about twenty minutes before he had to be to work. I'm glad I brought it up. He he.

When you are late for work, there is no acceptable excuse other than death or hospitalization of you or someone close. What you say to your boss doesn't matter, in their eyes you're just late, period. Don't spend too much effort coming up with an excuse.

1. You can have a pet. Head-butt a nearby airborne bug and it will get lost in the mess of hair on your scalp. Head-butt several and you can have an entire colony. No more pesky vets' bills or buying food, as they can feed on the blood from your head.
2. No more getting beaten up for our long haired protagonist! Big nasty men will think you are a woman, and instead of beating you up for your drink, they'll buy you one
3. You can play with your hair! Haven't you ever wondered how a woman feels when she plays with her hair? How can it bring her such amusement, such delight, when it's just hair? Well, find out for yourself! Grow those luscious locks, and experience the simple joys playing with them brings
4. Hide your face and be the “mysterious man”. Chicks dig that kinda crap right? Well, if you grow your hair you can hide your face, and be all mysterious and such like. I read somewhere on the internet's that women LOVE mysterious guys, so it must be true.
5. Make the most out of bed hair. Apparently it's coming back into style, bed hair. And what better way to get back into style other than grow your hair, go to sleep, and don't brush it in the morning? Short haired people can't make use of this new style, since short hair isn't long enough to be messed up enough to earn the title “bed hair”.
6. An excuse to get out of work. “Sorry, my hair got caught in the hair dryer.” “Gee, I'd come into work again, but I was fixing my Xbox and my hair got caught in the fan, again.” You know the drill, find some original ones.
7. Be cool and rad. All cool guys have long hair right? Or has T.V. been lying to me? Nah, all cool guys have long hair. You wanna be a cool guy don't you?
8. The shaggy dog. When it rains, and your hair gets all soaking wet, don't you just want to shake it and get everybody else soaking wet? I know I do. Once you do it, they may hate your guts, but at least you had FUN.
9. You can have a pony tail. Just like every other mid-life crisis victim, you want a pony tail. Trust me, it's awesome, especially with that new band you put together that totally isn't only because you're going through a mid-life crisis. Don't worry - your secrets safe with me.
10. Finally, when you're playing Guitar Hero, you can headband and actually have hair to head bang with. Feel proud as you violently swing your head back and forth, with a real heavy-metal plastic guitar controller in your hand. Feel the moment. It doesn't get much better than this…

So, people, these are my 10 reasons for growing your hair. And if this doesn't convince you, you probably wouldn't look good with long hair anyway. Have fun 