So here's the deal - you can now purchase pantyhose for men. Why didn't I think of that? Check out the official Mantyhose website www.emancipate.net to view the full range. You can also read the handy tips about how to put them on without snagging them guys.

Now,the following picture is an example of the Mantyhose product. I'm not too sure though, those legs look suspiciously like John McCain's

This guy got drunk last night and when he woke up he was wearing pantyhose - with a pattern on them too

These guys are official members of the Mantyhose Mafia, mm for short. If you say anything disrespectful about men who wear pantyhose or their mothers (whom they borrowed the pantyhose from) you may find yourself swimming with the fishes.

"You looking at me?"

1. Angelina Reindeer. She's adventurous and impetuous. Santa better be on guard if he uses this action packed reindeer.
2. Britney Reindeer. She has a red nose like Rudolph. It especially lights up after a vodka or two.
3. Oprah Reindeer. She wants to be the Queen of the Reindeer. She enjoys spreading good will to the less fortunate.
4. Palin Reindeer. She especially enjoys going to Alaska. It's been rumored that she built the bridge to nowhere.
5. Obama Reindeer. This reindeer is going places. He hopes to take Santa on a private flight over the White House.
6. McCain Reindeer. He's a little temperamental and quick to change directions. He also has been waiting for his chance to lead Santa's sleigh for many years.
7. Arnold Reindeer. He's back! He strong and powerful. Santa could easily make his visits in plenty of time with this reindeer.
8. Hillary Reindeer. She's very ambitious. She strong willed and yet highly compassionate. She particularly cares about the health and welfare of the children of the world.
9. Paris Reindeer. She's pampered and spoiled. She's a real party animal. Santa should be wary of having her lead the sleigh. It might lead to a rebellion.
10. Bush Reindeer. He's on his last legs. He flies a very conservative path. Some of his flights have led to utter disaster. He is immensely unpopular. Santa should not be sympathetic and give into this reindeer's whining.

1. "Obama's not black. He's Hawaiian and Asian. Just has a really deep tan."

2. "I don't want the President to be Muslim. He'll make us wear ugly clothes."

3. "Who are you gonna vote for dictator?"

4. "McCain is old but Obama is a man whore. If he wins I'll move to Iraq then sleep with him."

5. "Who's Obama anyway?"

On the one hand it can elect the first President of African descent & at the same time erase hundreds of years of racism & oppression (or at least provide a step in that direction).

Or we can see two of the most ignorant & ill-fated fundamentalist nut jobs on the planet barrel into the white house & destroy everything that made this country, if not great, then at least mildly tolerable.  

If you are depressed by possibly seeing this, a Disney Movie become reality & want more than anything to move to Canada.

If you are tired of the same ole, pseudo-patriotic, let’s go “free” another country thru war & spread democracy (tho we are failing our own) by bombing their innocents into the stone age. All while spending a trillion dollars doing so despite the fact our economy is in the tank & education is at an all time low (this coming from the country whose greatest export might just be the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders). Then don’t just stand there & take it up the ass like John Kerry & the Democratic Party. Stand up for yourself & ……

Start Your Own Country !! 

If the interests of the wealthiest 1% don’t intersect with yours & you’d rather watch reruns of Hee-Haw with Bill O’Reilly & his blow up doll collection than vote in another fixed election.  

If your idea of a fun time does not include bailing out greedy U.S. bankers to the tune of $700 Gazillion or subsidizing corporations who rape the earth & profit hand over fist while paying an unlivable wage.

Start You Own Country !!

If you didn’t believe Iraq was any kind of a real threat & Dubya is just there cuz he couldn’t even spell Afghanistan let alone find it on a map.

If you thought the Constitution was a pretty important part of our Democracy & not just some fictitious, bunch of pretty words which will soon end up being nothing more than the Cliff notes to our slow, certain descent into fascism. And you can still remember a time when you didn’t have to lie to your children about our country’s foreign policy. Then ….  

Start your own country !!

Rules in the Secession of the Individual

First, quit your job. Gainful employment is for suckers. It is for those who have given up on their dreams. You will live simply & rejoice in the little things. Like being evicted at 5 am & living in your car until they repo that too. Better to sell it now & get a used van with a good heater. Parks are for parking, man.

Next, stop paying taxes. You don’t owe them anything. Besides they will probably just squander the money on bombs, guns, tax breaks for the wealthy or, worse yet, a statue of Sarah Palin sitting on President Lincoln’s lap.

Instead take all their currency & place it in a big pile on the White House lawn or if you’re a public school teacher, just imagine this. Take some lighter fluid & light it up then dance naked around it.

Or you can go to the mall & stand on the highest level & light the corner of each bill on fire & throw it over the edge & watch the masses tear each other apart in pursuit of their one true god.

Or if you prefer you can give it all to charity. But whatever you do. Don’t give it to any church. They’ve already caused enough problems.

Next:

Stop obeying their meaningless laws & regulations. No more stopping for Red Lights or conceding the right-of-way. No more waiting your turn in line at the grocery store or wiping your feet before entering a building. That stuff is for Suckers. 

Instead find out where your former HMO lives & fuck his cat. Rummage thru his garbage too & if you find any incriminating evidence like say a photoshop job of Cindy McCain’s head on Janet Jackson’s body threaten to make copies of it & pass it out to all his neighbors until he gives you free healthcare.

Then go visit an outpost of every evil corporation destroying the planet:

At McDonald’s when they ask if ‘you want fries with that tell ‘em not only do you not want fries or a Dead Cow Sammich but ask if they could politely remove their corporate cock from the ass of the American economy & stop spending millions lobbying against a raise in the minimum wage & stop tearing down the Rain Forest for cattle grazing & that we’d greatly appreciate it. Then tell ‘em on 2^nd thought you would like some fries with that but only if you can have them served with a side of Ronald McDonald’s heart.

At Wal-Mart when they ask if you want paper or plastic tell them you want both but that you want them to take the bags & put them over their heads in a vain attempt to conceal the shame of being the # 1 purveyor of cheap plastic crap & for destroying (cue music) an America we used to be proud of with Main streets lined with small family owned businesses & factory jobs where we made products not as cheap as China but not nearly as toxic & with half the government induced repression.  

And when the lady behind the counter at Starbucks asks you if she can help you … you say yes. Tell her, “ You can stop masquerading as happy & stop fulfilling your pre-assigned role as mitigator of all crimes corporate & join me in the pursuit of something real like a poor man’s revolution where every American agrees to stop lying to themselves about their imagined fate & agrees to begin slaying the dragons of insincerity like in that book by Camus or Tolstoy or whoever “…. Tell her you refuse to die just another cog in this machine they call capitalism & that you want to see her soul laid bare before the fires of democracy along with every other fledgling factory worker turned revolutionary & then refuse to pay for your $5 not-fairly-traded cup of Joe. Instead dump it on the floor & yell “Viva La Revolucion” as you run out the door singing the Canadian National Anthem.

Do the same thing every day until the revolution begins … or until Starbucks, McD’s & Wal Mart shut their doors for good.

You must walk thusly & carry a big brown bag of marijuana. To the degree that you are malicious towards the corporate structure so you must be equally as charitable to your fellow soldiers without a country. You can impart upon them the wisdom you have gathered gently & lovingly but you must resist the desire to tussle intellectually especially about politics since most Americans know nothing about them. Even tho you probably will be winning the argument no one will know but you.

If anyone asks you if you’d like to buy a candy bcuz their school is under funded or if you’ve accepted Jesus Christ as the one true Lord, just hand them a joint & walk away. This will be especially helpful with the police & corrections officers & anyone wearing a tie.

On Institutionalized Insincerity:

The moral contrivances must go as well: No more ‘Please‘ ‘thank you’ or ‘see you later’. No long goodbyes either. Unless you truly mean them.

You shall walk tenderly upon Mother Earth, worship nature & traffic in shallow sex. Worship of the body is preferable to worship of cold hard cash.

You are a country unto yourself. You mustn’t abide by anyone’s expectations of you. You are beholden to know one.

You are CEO, Prime Minister, El Presidente & the Grand Poobah of your own traveling domain.

You mustn’t let anyone place any constraints on you or your time.

If they say stay, you must go now !! If they say go, you must stay. If it is really late & they have to work tomorrow & maybe they have loaned you money in the past or you would like to maybe have some pre-coital cocktails with them someday on a tropical island while some kid with an accent plays with your feet …. Then go !!! ( but be sure to steal something first.)

You are an island unto yourself & this island will have only one law:

Always, always error on the side of Love.

And never ever remain silent again.

Ok. That’s two laws. Fair enough.

But no stone tablets or monuments to rich dead white guys & especially No Lawyers !! If you get paid to lie whether it’s legal or not it’s still called stealing.

And when you’ve broken one too many of their petty laws & The Man is closing in on you, you take your one man country on wheels & make a run for Canada where people are boring but nice & they actually have Healthcare for everyone & more importantly they don’t have rednecks.

But if the Pigs do catch up with you before you can get there: Break free for one last Hoorah …. Drop your pants & climb on top of the police cruiser & yell: I am Vlad the Inhaler from the land of the Kum-on-I-Wanna-Lay-A & all you mere mortals can now kiss my ass !!!

You are an island unto yourself & this island will have only one law:

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Although "Money" was brutally murdered, butchered, and dipped in its own blood during the recession, the appropriate authorities have successfully safeguarded the other possible future victims. The crime scene was thoroughly investigated and blood samples were brought to the crime labs. Thanks to thumb mark indexing technology, the suspects are now being hunted and will soon be brought to court.

Closing Banks Can Now Sell Their Vaults For Retirement Fund

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The bank vault shown above is 76 years old, 2.55 meters high, and weighs 110,000 pounds! If the recession continues, this vault could be worth more money than all the stacks of cash remaining behind it (especially if the bank goes bankrupt, in which case, no money remains!). The good news is, managers of closing banks may choose to sell their bank vault so they can provide a retirement fund for themselves and their employees.

If The Dollar Loses Its Value, Here's The Brilliant Solution

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In case the dollar loses its value as a powerful currency in the international market, don't worry, because there's a solution. We can hire teens and stay-at-home moms to construct origami designs out of one dollar bills (such as shown on photo above)! Then the finished products can be exported to other countries for say, $3.95 per piece.

Body Painting Can Temporarily Replace The Struggling Garment Industry

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According to recent news, the garment/apparel industry has been severely hit by the economic recession. You can view the news item by clicking here. Well, if things continue to go bad, we can take advantage of body painting for the meantime. Not only is it a good way to clothe ourselves, it also makes way for creativity and style. Although very few girls approve of "wearing" body paint, lots of MEN really think "it's a good way to fight the recession". Males, are we really thinking about the recession?

Politicians And Rappers Might Sign Million Dollar Deals

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It's familiar to us that in the music industry, the rappers and hip hoppers own the "money, bling bling, women, and expensive cars". One record deal by say, Ludacris above, can really bring in the buckets of cash. There's a tendency that political figures will get involved in the rap world to save the plummeting economy. With all the records and albums that'll be sold, who needs another 'bailout plan"?

(ON A SERIOUS NOTE: Let's continue to hope for the best for all the countries of the world, that we might all be able to get past the financial crisis.)

The Candidates Agree on a Few Things

Sure they do.  I know that this may not seem like an excellent point, but if you adore your boy, you may have to find some common ground.  Obama and McCain both support the death penalty, embryonic stem cells, guns background check, Homeland Security Patriot Act, Immigration paths for illegals, Immigration border fence, and Iran sanctions.  It is also quite obvious that Obama and Palin both enjoy spending time with the elders.  Oh, that’s right Palin is running for Vice Presidency.  Either way, that has to be a plus.

On the other side they both oppose energy & oil ANWR drilling, Homeland Security Guantanamo, Homeland Security Torture, Homeland Security Wiretapping, same-sex marriage, and same-sex constitutional ban.  So as you are engaged in a discussion about abortion, perhaps, if you really like this young man, you could shift the conversation, very coyly, to a topic that both candidates can even agree on. 

How Good is the Sex – Really?

If the sex is really good I am afraid that you are in over your head.  If McPoliticy drives you crazy and as Meredith might say, you can’t stop “thinking about his tongue,” you are really going to have to weigh this out.  I know it is tough because you are living with values that your parents have morphed into your minds over the years as a child, but your parents are not responsible for your relief of stress through orgasm; McPoliticy is.  I know that you believe in certain things to your very core and that is where you might have to draw the line.  Just be careful, election time comes but once every four years.  The two of you could be happily married with two children by 2012.

You have a Month to Change Him

If none of the preceding stuff seems to make sense, remember, you have about a month to change his mind.  If your lover is really devoted to his candidate, you will have to do a sneak attack.  You cannot, I repeat, cannot go into heavy competition mode.  This is the work of little gestures, fine detail, and gentle petting.  I first suggest making a cd of your voice whispering soft suggestions to manipulate his thinking once he has fallen asleep.  Remember we are going in under the radar.  Try some reverse psychology by mentioning a few positive comments about things that he might contradict.  “Well at least I know that if we got pregnant you are against abortion.”  Or “I sure think it’s great that we still have troops in Iraq.”  Finally, as the day approaches, and McPoliticy is wavering, go in for the kill with sexual favors if needed.  Just remember to be careful with what you promise as you will not be allowed in the voting booth with him.

I know most people don't have a trampoline, but for those of you that do, or can borrow your neighbors, it still is fun.  Really!  You might have thought you had drained all the fun juice out of that sucker, but trust me, it is really fun.  Just try some new wacky tricks, like landing a frontflip if you already hadn't.  You could also get a ball and just throw it around, just be creative.

Play With Your Pet

Most likely, you pets are also very bored, so it is a double win, YEAH!  Most common thing to do with you pet is take them out for a walk, and why not.  It couldn't hurt...except that creepy guy down the street that always stalks you.  Anyway, forget him, just have fun with walking your pet.

Read Some Articles

This is, of course, a website that publishes nearly any article you can think of.  One of the funnest things Iv'e found to do is just skim through random articles.  There are many interesting ones, just find a topic that you like to read about.  Oh and it wouldn't hurt to read some of my articles.

Go Sightseeing

You don't have to travel to any exotic place to go sightseeing.  There is probably a just as good place in your yard to go sightseeing.  I know this sounds boring, but you will find things you've never really noticed before.  You will really get a whole new perspective about the world.

Play Japanese Mario Kitten

Ok, ok, I know what you are thinking.  WTF is Japanese Mario Kitten.

This:

CLICK HERE

This, might be the most frustrating, yet, funnest game I have ever played.  This game really tests your brain and your logical thinking with reverse psychology and other mind tricks.  You will be lucky if you get past the first level.  Things are not always as they seem in this game.  I am willing to give you the walkthrough, but I still think you will have a terribly touch time beating this game.

Walkthrough:

A young lad walked up to Senator Obama and asked, “How are you going to stop the economic crisis that has befallen our land?”

Senator Obama said, “You are a very bright boy. We will reduce taxes for the middle class, regulate the financial markets, and provide relief for homeowners that have lost their houses due to foreclosures. We will reduce unemployment and penalize companies that ship jobs overseas.”

The young lad thought about his answer but was not satisfied. He next approached Senator McCain and asked, “How are you going to stop the economic crisis that has befallen our land?”

Senator McCain said, “We will analyze and study the problem. We will form a commission that will provide us with solid input as to the remedies of the problem. We should be able to make some sound decisions based on these recommendations within two years.”

The young lad didn't like this answer at all. Finally, he spoke to Barney the Dinosaur and asked, “How would you stop the economic crisis that has befallen our land?”

Barney responded, “You just need to use your imagination and believe that everything is all right. Afterwards, you should sing a few happy songs and then dream that you are in paradise.”

“Will that really work?”

“Of course not,” said Barney. “But you'll feel a whole lot happier.”

1. Palinosaur
   
   
   

   This dinosaur has dagger like teeth and sharp claws. It eats pit bulls for dinner. She strikes at her enemies with sudden quickness and ferociousness.

2. McCainotrops
   
   

   With one large horn coming out of his thick head located just above his right eye, this four-legged body dinosaur is strong and sturdy. The McCainotrops is not afraid to fight when threatened.

3. Obamadactyl
   
   

   A high-flying dinosaur with enormous wingspan. Capable of swooping down at its victims with tremendous speed. The Obamadactyl makes enchanting sounds during the mating season.

4. Bidaurid
   
   
   

   A duck-billed dinosaur, this friendly plant eater is one of the most sociable of the dinosaur species. It is known to settle disputes with dinosaurs that have territorial problems.

5. Bushosaurus
   
   
   

   Blustery and huge, this dinosaur is one of the largest and longest around. It has one of the smallest brains for such a huge body. It eats all day and is extremely vulnerable to attack by its predators.

6. Cheneysaur
   
   

   The most dangerous carnivore in existence. It stands over 40 feet tall and has lethal, hatchet like teeth. Cheneysaur has an enormous head and very strong body. It has a long tail and reduced forelimbs. It is extremely aggressive and is constantly on the attack.

Classically raised with aspirations of greatness but this one is a little young so proceed with caution. Some connoisseurs are saying it should be laid down for 4 years but it may surprise in tastings over the next few weeks. Don't uncork unless you mean to finish it - you won't get it back in.

Biden Biden, vintage 2008

Biden Biden has been around for years without ever rising to the heights but the "08 has a lot going for it - solid performer and excellent recognition on the shelf but it could fizzle. Drink up.

McCain Ale (Jumbo Microbrew)

This brewski has flavor bulging in the cheek and has been an attention-getter over the years. Often demonstrates characteristics not normally associated with this brewery. Can be temperamental, probably from over-cellaring. Watch for froth and rapid ageing.

Palin Pinot Blanc, vintage 2008

Not many know the Palin Pinot Blanc but it"s well-known in Alaska for its oily texture and right out of the bottle authentic flavor. Suddenly getting lots of publicity due to its spontaneous fermentation. May be a little too much complexity for middle-of- the-road Pinot lovers. Screw top.