2. He knows how to type.

3. He knows how to count.

4. He knows how to sing.

5. He knows how to dance.

6. He knows how to talk.

7. He knows how to whisper.

8. He knows how to blink.

9. He knows how to think.

10. He knows how to move.

11. He knows how to twitch.

12. He knows how to jump.

13. He knows how to kick.

14. He knows how to scream.

15. He knows how to laugh.

16. He knows how to yell.

17. He knows how to run.

18. He knows how to walk.

19. He knows how to jog.

20. He knows how to hire people.

21. He knows how to get hired.

22. He knows how to get a happy meal.

23. He knows how to get attention.

24. He knows how to go to subway.

25. He knows how to go to the supermarket.

26. He knows how to go to the mall.

27. He knows how to go to the bank.

28. He knows how to go to the school.

29. He knows how to go to bathroom.

30. He knows how to use a computer.

31. He knows how to use a phone.

32. He knows how to use the internet.

33. He knows how to use a mouse.

34. He knows how to use a keyboard.

35. He knows how to use a couch.

36. He knows how to use a table.

37. He knows how to use a chair.

38. He knows how to use a cupboard.

39. He knows how to use a dish washer.

40. He knows how to use a pen.

41. He knows how to use a pencil.

42. He knows how to use paper.

43. He knows how to use a copy machine.

44. He knows how to use a printer.

45. He knows how to use a  jack hammer.

46. He knows how to use a scan machine.

47. He knows how to use a cane.

48. He knows how to use a gun.

49. He knows how to use a television set.

50. He knows how to use a pair of glasses.

51. He knows how to use a cup.

52. He knows how to use a bowl.

53. He knows how to use a plate.

54. He knows how to use a book shelf.

55. He knows how to use a piano.

56. He knows how to use a piano stand.

57. He knows how to use a radio.

58. He knows how to use a mathematical equation.

59. He knows how to use a scientific equation.

60. He knows how to use a binder.

61. He knows how to use a notepad.

62. He knows how to use a thumb tack.

63. He knows how to use a drill.

64. He knows how to use a cape.

65. He knows how to use a sword.

66. He knows how to use an axe.

67. He knows how to use a hammer.

68. He knows how to use a scimitar.

69. He knows how to use a claymore.

70. He knows how to use a staff.

71. He knows how to use a lucky charm.

72. He knows how to use a pair of shoes.

73. He knows how to save power.

74. He knows how to save the environment.

75. He knows how to use a microwave.

76. He knows how to use a stove.

77. He knows how to use an oven.

78. He knows how to use a blender.

79. He knows how to use a passport.

80. He knows how to use a RV.

81. He knows how to use a set of stairs.

82. He knows how to use an elevator.

83. He knows how to drive a truck.

84. He knows how to drive a car.

85. He knows how to drive a mini van.

86. He knows how to drive a sports utility vehicle.

87. He knows how to use head phones.

88. He knows how to graduate from first grade.

89. He knows how to graduate from second grade.

90. He knows how to graduate from third grade.

91. He knows how to graduate from fourth grade.

92. He knows how to graduate from fifth grade.

93. He knows how to graduate from sixth grade.

94. He knows how to graduate from seventh grade.

95. He knows how to graduate from eighth grade.

96. He knows how to graduate from ninth grade.

97. He knows how to graduate from high school.

98. He knows how to graduate from college.

99. He knows how to receive a fax from a fax machine.

100. He knows how to send a fax with a fax machine.

101. He does not shower every two seconds.

102. He does not laugh every two seconds.

103. He does not cry every two seconds.

104. He does not use a curling iron every two seconds.

105. He does not use the internet every two seconds.

106. He does not use a telephone every two seconds.

107. He does not use a radio every two seconds.

108. He does not use a television every two seconds.

109. He does not use a microwave every two seconds.

110. He does not use a blender every two seconds.

111. He does not use a coffee machine every two seconds.

112. He does not drink apple juice every two seconds.

113. He does not drink grape juice every two seconds.

114. He does not drink orange juice every two seconds.

115. He does not drink egg yolk every two seconds.

116. He does not drink Gatorade every two seconds.

117. He does not drink beer every two seconds.

118. He does not drink whiskey every two seconds.

119. He does not drink liquor every two seconds.

120. He does not eat fudge cake every two seconds.

121. He does not eat carrot cake every two seconds.

122. He does not eat chocolate cake every two seconds.

123. He does not eat whipped cream every two seconds.

124. He does not use a fax machine every two seconds.

125. He does not use a printer every two seconds.

126. He does not use a copy machine every two seconds.

127. He does not use a credit card every two seconds.

128. He does not use a debit card every two seconds.

129. He does not use a police badge to get into places.

130. He does not use head phones every two seconds.

131. He does not eat apple pie every two seconds.

132. He does not eat lemon pie every two seconds.

133. He does not use a computer every two seconds.

134. He does not use a camera every two seconds.

135. He does not use a microphone every two seconds.

136. He does not use a juke box every two seconds.

137. He does not use rap to communicate.

138. He does not use force to get what he wants.

139. He does not use a keyboard every two seconds.

140. He does not use a mouse every two seconds.

141. He does not write with a pen every two seconds.

142. He does not write with a pencil every two seconds.

143. He does not write with a mechanical pencil every two seconds.

144. He does not use a calculator every two seconds.

145. He does not wear a hat every two seconds.

146. He does not wear pink socks.

147. He does not wear bright orange socks.

148. He does not wear spotted socks.

149. He does not wear bright yellow socks.

150. He does not wear bright green socks.

151. He does not eat fried bananas.

152. He does not eat fried computers.

153. He does not eat fried clothing.

154. He does not eat fried calculators.

155. He does not eat fried pencils.

156. He does not eat fried pens.

157. He does not eat fried yellow socks.

158. He does not eat fried green socks.

159. He does not eat fried orange socks.

160. He does not eat fried pink socks.

161. He does not eat fried spotted socks.

162. He does not eat keyboards.

163. He does not eat women.

164. He does not eat men.

165. He does not eat children.

166. He does not carry a building every where he goes.

167. He does not carry a keyboard every where he goes.

168. He does not carry a poster every where he goes.

169. He does not carry a lamp every where he goes.

170. He does not carry a light bulb every where he goes.

171. He does not carry a bomb every where he goes.

172. He does not carry a chair every where he goes.

173. He does not carry a desk every where he goes.

174. He does not carry exercise equipment every where he goes.

175. He does not carry a calculator every where he goes.

176. He does not carry a tape recorder every where he goes.

177. He does not carry a bright yellow sock every where he goes.

178. He does not carry a bright green sock every where he goes.

179. He does not carry a bright spotted sock every where he goes.

180. He does not carry a bright pink sock every where he goes.

181. He does not carry a tube of toothpaste every where he goes.

182. He does not carry a tooth brush every where he goes.

183. He does not juggle cats, dogs, giraffes, rhinos, hippopotamus’s, elephants, and children every where he goes.

184. He does not kidnap children.

185. He does not hurt children.

186. He does not kill men.

187. He does not kill children.

188. He does not kill women.

189. He does not hurt men.

190. He does not hurt women.

191. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a telephone.

192. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a microphone.

193. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a microwave.

194. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a microscope.

195. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a pair of glasses.

196. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a pair of stockings.

197. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a hippo.

198. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a rhino.

199. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as an elephant.

200. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a dog.

201. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a cat.

202. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a kitten.

203. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a puppy.

204. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a pansy.

205. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a puppet.

206. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a poodle.

207. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a pumpkin.

208. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a pretzel.

209. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a pamphlet.

210. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a piece of paper.

211. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a peg.

212. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a portable music player.

213. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a leg.

214. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as an arm.

215. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a stomach.

216. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a liver.

217. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as an intestine.

218. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a heart.

219. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a brain.

220. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a hand.

221. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a foot.

222. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a finger.

223. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a toe.

224. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as an abdomen.

225. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a shirt.

226. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a watch.

227. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a pen.

228. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a pencil.

229. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as an eraser.

230. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a thumb.

231. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a couch.

232. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as an arm rest.

233. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a cake sniffer.

234. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a pie sniffer.

235. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a pan sniffer.

236. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a leg sniffer.

237. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as an arm sniffer.

238. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a child with five legs all together.

239. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a turnip.

240. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a radish.

241. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a vegetable.

242. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a fruit.

243. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a strawberry.

244. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a grape fruit.

245. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a grape.

246. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a pond.

247. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a lake.

248. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a river.

249. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a body of water.

250. He does not go around calling every one he sees something so mean as a overgrown fat man.

This is Rudolf Butler, secretary of Harry Hurror, before he got vampirized (photo used with permission).

Rules of the House

Okay, here are the Rules of the House. Go to The Greatest Obama Is AntiChrist LOL of the Year Contest and see who got nominated already, who are the Candidates running up. Vote here for the Candidate of your choice - hey, what are we lucky to live in a land where there is Freedom of Speech! But, beware... we will not tolerate hate rants here!

The Candidate who collected most of the votes when the total number reaches the Number of the Beast (666) will be "The Greatest AntiChrist LOL Laureate of the Year 2008". He will receive a fully diabolized portrait, made by the Sponsor of the Contest (and that's Harry Hurror & the ArteFarce Project) + a truly false Angel Choir (fallen to pieces by then).  

If you nominated a Candidate of your own, you also can win a Priceless Price: a (w)holy personalised CD, titled The Number of the Beast and containing such numbers as A Fine ArteFarce Horror Soundscape, Dancing in Hell, Meditative Music for Zombies or A Demo for Demons!

This is Rudolf, after he got vampirized (photo used with permission again!).

My Nominations

Take a quick peek here at some of my nominations:

1. Mr. Arkwriter, telling us Obama is the AntiChrist because "Obama" rhymes with "Osama". His "theory" got debunked in this Dear Mister AntiKrist article. 
2. Mr. EdgarMetro, who made a YouTube video with falsified or invented Nostradamus Predictions and tried to turn fiction into facts, as was demonstrated in About Nostradamus, Obama and the AntiChrist. 
3. EscapeNewJersey copy/pasted this article - "Nostradamus Obama Prophecies Revealed" from the "The Daily Squib" in his YouTube Hate Vid, "forgot" to mention The Daily Squib is a satirical publication and turned the fiction into facts again.
4. The "UnitedChildrenofGod" think they have definite proof Obama is "the dark prince" because of Nostradamus' "Mabus" prophecy. One minor problem: Nostradamus has never said a "Mabus" would be the AntiChrist, and he has never said the World will come to an End in 2012, as was demonstrated in About Nostradamus, Obama and the AntiChrist. In another vid, the Children are stating the AntiChrist (and every follower/believer) must be some kind of a moron, and Obama is definitely not a moron. I see no other reason why it has to be that simple to detect the AntiChrist: by counting the letters in "Barack Hussein Obama" (18 letters/3 words, and 18/3 = 6 + 6 + 6 = 666, The Number of the Beast!). One minor problem with this vid: count the letters in "UnitedChildrenofGod", you get 19 of them - minus 1 word, that makes 18/3 because three words in one: United + Children + God... and here you have 666 again, the Number of the Beast!

So... Want to have some LOL in your lifetime? Take a look here, and feel free to nominate and debunk also some Obama Urban Legends & Other Nasty Crap:

Can we? Yes We Can!

1. Angelina Reindeer. She's adventurous and impetuous. Santa better be on guard if he uses this action packed reindeer.
2. Britney Reindeer. She has a red nose like Rudolph. It especially lights up after a vodka or two.
3. Oprah Reindeer. She wants to be the Queen of the Reindeer. She enjoys spreading good will to the less fortunate.
4. Palin Reindeer. She especially enjoys going to Alaska. It's been rumored that she built the bridge to nowhere.
5. Obama Reindeer. This reindeer is going places. He hopes to take Santa on a private flight over the White House.
6. McCain Reindeer. He's a little temperamental and quick to change directions. He also has been waiting for his chance to lead Santa's sleigh for many years.
7. Arnold Reindeer. He's back! He strong and powerful. Santa could easily make his visits in plenty of time with this reindeer.
8. Hillary Reindeer. She's very ambitious. She strong willed and yet highly compassionate. She particularly cares about the health and welfare of the children of the world.
9. Paris Reindeer. She's pampered and spoiled. She's a real party animal. Santa should be wary of having her lead the sleigh. It might lead to a rebellion.
10. Bush Reindeer. He's on his last legs. He flies a very conservative path. Some of his flights have led to utter disaster. He is immensely unpopular. Santa should not be sympathetic and give into this reindeer's whining.

Or if you want to make it less conspicuous you can get it as a thong.

2. A sniper scope aimed at Obama

Or if you hate your dog you can have him wear it

3. For the sports enthusiast you can wear this great Hoodie design

4. If you think Obama is clueless

Or if you think your baby knows more than what Obama does, then you can get the baby grow.

5. If you believe in Aliens then this is the Shirt for you

6. Obama needs to go on a cruise to relax and spend some time with the family

7. If you storngly beleive Omaba will bring in more taxis then this sihrt is fro u

8. O, Obama actually won

9. Animal rights activists might be wearing these

1. The Night of the Republican Funeral. Walk into the graveyard of elephants. Suddenly, an elephant grabs you with his trunk and squeezes your conservative values right out of you.
2. No we can't. Haunted by Obama signs surrounding your house you scream as you realize that change does not come easily. The ghost of budget deficits swallows up your dreams.
3. The son of Cheney. A son born of an evil curse gains great power and attacks his enemies with a cruel and cunning arsenal of mass destruction.
4. Super Fatman. Superman explodes in an orgy of doughnuts, apple pies, and cheesecakes. Not even Lois Lane can stop Superman from expanding to great lengths. Beware of Super Fatman's deadly gas.
5. Hysterical Housewives. Unfaithful husbands are faced with the specter of incriminations, screams, and violence. There can be no escape from the wrath of angry women.
6. Flu Bugs. Giant bugs attack the good citizens of Peaceful Town. Is it too late to evacuate?
7. Gun Control Granny. Never mess with Gun Control Granny. She's cleaning up your town and taking away your guns. She's replacing the guns with roses, lilacs, and daffodils.
8. Global Meltdown. It's 140 degrees in the shade. “We're melting, melting.” The Wizard of Oz can't save you from this horrible fate. The nightmare ends with a rainfall of shattered ice cubes.
9. Barney the Dinosaur Multiplies by the Millions. Barney the Dinosaur goes through an endless cloning process. Now you can be loved a million times. Do you feel a sense of suffocation coming on?
10. Flying Waffles of Death. Razor sharp waffles are attacking you as well as heavy metal pancakes. Will you survive breakfast? Watch out for the acid laced orange juice.

1. "Obama's not black. He's Hawaiian and Asian. Just has a really deep tan."

2. "I don't want the President to be Muslim. He'll make us wear ugly clothes."

3. "Who are you gonna vote for dictator?"

4. "McCain is old but Obama is a man whore. If he wins I'll move to Iraq then sleep with him."

5. "Who's Obama anyway?"

On the one hand it can elect the first President of African descent & at the same time erase hundreds of years of racism & oppression (or at least provide a step in that direction).

Or we can see two of the most ignorant & ill-fated fundamentalist nut jobs on the planet barrel into the white house & destroy everything that made this country, if not great, then at least mildly tolerable.  

If you are depressed by possibly seeing this, a Disney Movie become reality & want more than anything to move to Canada.

If you are tired of the same ole, pseudo-patriotic, let’s go “free” another country thru war & spread democracy (tho we are failing our own) by bombing their innocents into the stone age. All while spending a trillion dollars doing so despite the fact our economy is in the tank & education is at an all time low (this coming from the country whose greatest export might just be the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders). Then don’t just stand there & take it up the ass like John Kerry & the Democratic Party. Stand up for yourself & ……

Start Your Own Country !! 

If the interests of the wealthiest 1% don’t intersect with yours & you’d rather watch reruns of Hee-Haw with Bill O’Reilly & his blow up doll collection than vote in another fixed election.  

If your idea of a fun time does not include bailing out greedy U.S. bankers to the tune of $700 Gazillion or subsidizing corporations who rape the earth & profit hand over fist while paying an unlivable wage.

Start You Own Country !!

If you didn’t believe Iraq was any kind of a real threat & Dubya is just there cuz he couldn’t even spell Afghanistan let alone find it on a map.

If you thought the Constitution was a pretty important part of our Democracy & not just some fictitious, bunch of pretty words which will soon end up being nothing more than the Cliff notes to our slow, certain descent into fascism. And you can still remember a time when you didn’t have to lie to your children about our country’s foreign policy. Then ….  

Start your own country !!

Rules in the Secession of the Individual

First, quit your job. Gainful employment is for suckers. It is for those who have given up on their dreams. You will live simply & rejoice in the little things. Like being evicted at 5 am & living in your car until they repo that too. Better to sell it now & get a used van with a good heater. Parks are for parking, man.

Next, stop paying taxes. You don’t owe them anything. Besides they will probably just squander the money on bombs, guns, tax breaks for the wealthy or, worse yet, a statue of Sarah Palin sitting on President Lincoln’s lap.

Instead take all their currency & place it in a big pile on the White House lawn or if you’re a public school teacher, just imagine this. Take some lighter fluid & light it up then dance naked around it.

Or you can go to the mall & stand on the highest level & light the corner of each bill on fire & throw it over the edge & watch the masses tear each other apart in pursuit of their one true god.

Or if you prefer you can give it all to charity. But whatever you do. Don’t give it to any church. They’ve already caused enough problems.

Next:

Stop obeying their meaningless laws & regulations. No more stopping for Red Lights or conceding the right-of-way. No more waiting your turn in line at the grocery store or wiping your feet before entering a building. That stuff is for Suckers. 

Instead find out where your former HMO lives & fuck his cat. Rummage thru his garbage too & if you find any incriminating evidence like say a photoshop job of Cindy McCain’s head on Janet Jackson’s body threaten to make copies of it & pass it out to all his neighbors until he gives you free healthcare.

Then go visit an outpost of every evil corporation destroying the planet:

At McDonald’s when they ask if ‘you want fries with that tell ‘em not only do you not want fries or a Dead Cow Sammich but ask if they could politely remove their corporate cock from the ass of the American economy & stop spending millions lobbying against a raise in the minimum wage & stop tearing down the Rain Forest for cattle grazing & that we’d greatly appreciate it. Then tell ‘em on 2^nd thought you would like some fries with that but only if you can have them served with a side of Ronald McDonald’s heart.

At Wal-Mart when they ask if you want paper or plastic tell them you want both but that you want them to take the bags & put them over their heads in a vain attempt to conceal the shame of being the # 1 purveyor of cheap plastic crap & for destroying (cue music) an America we used to be proud of with Main streets lined with small family owned businesses & factory jobs where we made products not as cheap as China but not nearly as toxic & with half the government induced repression.  

And when the lady behind the counter at Starbucks asks you if she can help you … you say yes. Tell her, “ You can stop masquerading as happy & stop fulfilling your pre-assigned role as mitigator of all crimes corporate & join me in the pursuit of something real like a poor man’s revolution where every American agrees to stop lying to themselves about their imagined fate & agrees to begin slaying the dragons of insincerity like in that book by Camus or Tolstoy or whoever “…. Tell her you refuse to die just another cog in this machine they call capitalism & that you want to see her soul laid bare before the fires of democracy along with every other fledgling factory worker turned revolutionary & then refuse to pay for your $5 not-fairly-traded cup of Joe. Instead dump it on the floor & yell “Viva La Revolucion” as you run out the door singing the Canadian National Anthem.

Do the same thing every day until the revolution begins … or until Starbucks, McD’s & Wal Mart shut their doors for good.

You must walk thusly & carry a big brown bag of marijuana. To the degree that you are malicious towards the corporate structure so you must be equally as charitable to your fellow soldiers without a country. You can impart upon them the wisdom you have gathered gently & lovingly but you must resist the desire to tussle intellectually especially about politics since most Americans know nothing about them. Even tho you probably will be winning the argument no one will know but you.

If anyone asks you if you’d like to buy a candy bcuz their school is under funded or if you’ve accepted Jesus Christ as the one true Lord, just hand them a joint & walk away. This will be especially helpful with the police & corrections officers & anyone wearing a tie.

On Institutionalized Insincerity:

The moral contrivances must go as well: No more ‘Please‘ ‘thank you’ or ‘see you later’. No long goodbyes either. Unless you truly mean them.

You shall walk tenderly upon Mother Earth, worship nature & traffic in shallow sex. Worship of the body is preferable to worship of cold hard cash.

You are a country unto yourself. You mustn’t abide by anyone’s expectations of you. You are beholden to know one.

You are CEO, Prime Minister, El Presidente & the Grand Poobah of your own traveling domain.

You mustn’t let anyone place any constraints on you or your time.

If they say stay, you must go now !! If they say go, you must stay. If it is really late & they have to work tomorrow & maybe they have loaned you money in the past or you would like to maybe have some pre-coital cocktails with them someday on a tropical island while some kid with an accent plays with your feet …. Then go !!! ( but be sure to steal something first.)

You are an island unto yourself & this island will have only one law:

Always, always error on the side of Love.

And never ever remain silent again.

Ok. That’s two laws. Fair enough.

But no stone tablets or monuments to rich dead white guys & especially No Lawyers !! If you get paid to lie whether it’s legal or not it’s still called stealing.

And when you’ve broken one too many of their petty laws & The Man is closing in on you, you take your one man country on wheels & make a run for Canada where people are boring but nice & they actually have Healthcare for everyone & more importantly they don’t have rednecks.

But if the Pigs do catch up with you before you can get there: Break free for one last Hoorah …. Drop your pants & climb on top of the police cruiser & yell: I am Vlad the Inhaler from the land of the Kum-on-I-Wanna-Lay-A & all you mere mortals can now kiss my ass !!!

You are an island unto yourself & this island will have only one law:

With his incredible realism and creepy smirk, Gollum may just be the scariest thing you'll encounter this Halloween.

This is one carving that made me look twice.  It's a very creative use of an oddly-shaped pumpkin.

Here's a symbol we all recognize.  Minimalistic, but effective.

Mmm...now, who doesn't like Pumpkin Pi?

Heeere's Johnny!  This is the scariest carving I've ever seen... was anyone else creeped out by that movie?

The Corpse Bride, on the other hand, I absolutely loved.  This is a great depiction of Emily, and very Halloween-appropriate.

I had to include the political candidates in there somewhere, obviously.  Strangely enough, there aren't many McCain pumpkins...hmm...wonder why that is...

Dunno how appropriate this is, but it made me laugh, so I included it.  It also kinda reflects my sentiments toward the V.P. candidate above it.... hmm...

image source

Although "Money" was brutally murdered, butchered, and dipped in its own blood during the recession, the appropriate authorities have successfully safeguarded the other possible future victims. The crime scene was thoroughly investigated and blood samples were brought to the crime labs. Thanks to thumb mark indexing technology, the suspects are now being hunted and will soon be brought to court.

Closing Banks Can Now Sell Their Vaults For Retirement Fund

image source

The bank vault shown above is 76 years old, 2.55 meters high, and weighs 110,000 pounds! If the recession continues, this vault could be worth more money than all the stacks of cash remaining behind it (especially if the bank goes bankrupt, in which case, no money remains!). The good news is, managers of closing banks may choose to sell their bank vault so they can provide a retirement fund for themselves and their employees.

If The Dollar Loses Its Value, Here's The Brilliant Solution

image source

In case the dollar loses its value as a powerful currency in the international market, don't worry, because there's a solution. We can hire teens and stay-at-home moms to construct origami designs out of one dollar bills (such as shown on photo above)! Then the finished products can be exported to other countries for say, $3.95 per piece.

Body Painting Can Temporarily Replace The Struggling Garment Industry

image source

According to recent news, the garment/apparel industry has been severely hit by the economic recession. You can view the news item by clicking here. Well, if things continue to go bad, we can take advantage of body painting for the meantime. Not only is it a good way to clothe ourselves, it also makes way for creativity and style. Although very few girls approve of "wearing" body paint, lots of MEN really think "it's a good way to fight the recession". Males, are we really thinking about the recession?

Politicians And Rappers Might Sign Million Dollar Deals

image source

It's familiar to us that in the music industry, the rappers and hip hoppers own the "money, bling bling, women, and expensive cars". One record deal by say, Ludacris above, can really bring in the buckets of cash. There's a tendency that political figures will get involved in the rap world to save the plummeting economy. With all the records and albums that'll be sold, who needs another 'bailout plan"?

(ON A SERIOUS NOTE: Let's continue to hope for the best for all the countries of the world, that we might all be able to get past the financial crisis.)

Stagehands did you get them foam columns set up? Those columns from the convention?

Stagehand:

Yes, sir set up just like before but sir I don't think we brought enough chairs.

Campaign set supervisor.

Quickly get as many as you can all the staff from CNN, CBS, NBC, ABC, the news papers from major cities and foreign news companies will be attending to report the miracles our movie effects staff can create.

Stagehand:

Aren't these media people supposed to be objective?

Campaign set supervisor:

Yes they are, their objective is to get Obama elected now shut up and go get them chairs.