The photo is from Wikimedia, this is not an example of something a good pet owner should be doing.

RESULTS!

1. A and B are worth 10 points, they are responsible answers. C and D are both minus 10. Thousands of animals are euthanized weekly because there are more born than there are homes for, even if you did find homes for your pets, it means some other pets did not find homes. Unless an animal is of quality to breed, it should be spayed or neutered, which also help eliminate some behavioral problems and health risks, like some cancers.

2. A is minus 10 points, pets who do not get enough mental stimulation often become destructive, so if your pet is destructive, it is probably your fault. B is zero, your pet does not care if your life is busy, it is part of your life. C and D are plus 10. Different breeds have different needs.

3. A is 5 points, B is minus 10 points, it is good to get a check up because pets don't always show symptoms of problems. C and D are both plus 10.

4. A is minus 10 points, cheap foods are cheap for a reason. B and D are minus 5. None of these foods are good quality, as a rule of thumb any food sold in a grocery store, or with lots of advertising is not a quality food. C is zero points. Just because a vet sells a food does not mean it is good quality, in many cases vets do not receive any training on ingredients or brands other than what the representative of that food company tells them, of course they are going to promote a food that pays them to sell it. E is plus 10 points, obviously you know about pet food. F is plus 10 also, just beware that some RAW food diets lack some of the beneficial minerals found in some of the premium brands of food.

5. A is plus 10, B is minus 5, if you wait until your pet is matted it is already hurting them, brushing more regularly will prevent mats, just think how often you brush your own hair. C is plus 5, at least you tried. D is zero, unless for special reasons, over bathing can actually do more harm than good.

6. A is minus 10, sure they are happy outside, but uncontrolled pets are at risk of cars, poison, angry neighbours, other animals, and so on. In some areas there are laws against allowing pets to roam freely. B is also minus 10. If a pet starts peeing indoors either it needs to see a veterinarian, or be better trained, if a dog becomes destructive inside, this indicates a need for more mental simulation. C and D are both plus 10. Pets can live happily indoors or by making sure they are safe when outside.

7. A is minus 5 points, a shiny coat is not an indicator of health, it may only indicated a high fat content in a low quality food. B and C are plus 10. D is minus 10, go to a veterinarian and have your pet checked, most big problems, start out as small ones.

8. A is zero points. B is minus 10 points, not only is this unfair to the pet, it is also unfair to the farmer, who may kill your pet because most farmers do not need more pets. In many places this is considered “Animal Abandonment” and is a crime. C is zero points, although well intended, many “free to good home” pets do not find good homes, few people are willing to check to ensure the home really is good, serial killers admitted they started out by taking “free to good home” pets, and it is legal for people to take these pets and resell them to research labs, and so on. D and E are plus 10, although it might seem wrong, shelters can screen people and will give a surrendered, adoptable, pet every chance of finding a home. Euthanizing an unadoptable pet is the best thing for it if you are unable to find a home through other means. F is also 10 points.

SCORES!

65 - 80 Well done, you are a terrific pet owner!

45 – 64 Pretty good, you have a few more things to learn, but are trying.

20 – 44 You have more to learn, but can improve your pet ownership skills.

Below 20 You probably think pets are cute, but are not doing a terrific job of providing them with what they need to live long healthy lives.

Additional things that make people good owners, are having their pet licensed, microchipped, or tattooed for identification purposes.  If your pet ever gets lost you should call your local shelters within 12 hours, and visit them within 24. 

Photo of a girl and her cat, from Wikimedia. 

RESULTS

1. A, gets 50 points, because you can not answer all the questions. B and C both get 10 points. D gets minus 5 points, because this person is most likely a collector, somebody who keeps animals to make themselves feel “cool”, rather than putting the needs of the animals first. E gets minus five points, because if you live where pets are not allowed, and have a pet, you have not acted responsibly for that pet, tenants are frequently forced to surrender pets when the landlord finds out. Note: It is not the number of animals owned that determines if you love animals or not, it is wether or not you put the needs of the animal as a priority.

2. A gets minus 10 points, unless you are referring to fish. All other pet store pets come from mass breeder situations where the goal is profit. The breeding animals (even dogs) are often kept in small cages with little human interaction. Good pet lovers know they should never support stores who sell animals, particularly puppies and kittens. Some pet stores act as agents for proper animal shelters, if this was the case and you adopted a pet belonging to a shelter (you would have the contract from the shelter not a sales receipt from a store) then give yourself 5 points. It is way better than buying from a store, but not as good as going directly to the shelter. For future reference most shelters have small animals too, not just cats and dogs. B gets zero points. You make it easy for people to find homes for litters which makes it easy for them to think it is okay to allow their pet to breed, which means more pets in shelters will not find homes. C gets 10 points if the dog is a purebred, with papers, and both parents went to shows to prove their worth as breeding animals, 5 points if the dog is a purebred with papers, but no show records from the parents, and zero points if there are no papers or show records.

3. A and D get 10 points, a true pet lover does not just breed to make more cute animals, they realize there are too many unwanted ones so either do not breed, or only breed proven quality animals for the purpose of improving the breed. B or C, minus 10 points, there are thousands of animals who are euthanized every week because more are born than there are homes for, every pet that finds a home, one shelter pet will not.

4. A or B get 10 points, donating or volunteering at local shelters is a terrific way of showing you care. C is 5 points, donations at smaller, local, levels actually help more pets. D is zero and E is also zero, remember it is only sad if nobody comes.

5. A is minus 5 points, a real pet lover wouldn't care about pet hair in the house. B and C are plus 5. D is plus 10. A pet that requires a lot of work, is an effort of love.

6. A is plus 10, an animal lover realizes that cats are cats, they scratch (although we all would prefer they don't scratch the sofa), and that pets have fur which falls out from time to time. B and D get zero, and C gets minus 5.

7. A and B get zero. C and D, get plus ten.

8. A and C are minus ten, they are both selfish answers that only think about the wishes of the owner, rather than the needs of the animal. B is plus ten, there recently was a species of frog who were almost wiped out when a landslide destroyed their natural habitat, if not for some animals owned by hobbyists the species would have been obliterated. Not all animals are suited for pets, not all people are suited for ownership. D is a zero point answer.

SCORES!

65 to 80. Clearly a person who is passionate about pets. You are also well educated on the way the “pet” industry works and are putting the animals interest on the same level as, or above, your own.

45 to 64. You love pets but perhaps need a bit more time to learn about the pet industry itself.

20 to 44. You like pets but maybe can learn more about them, their requirements for a happy life, and the pet industry as a whole.

Below 20. You only “think” you love pets , but probably care more about what you “want” than what a pet “needs”. Do some research on pets, puppy mills, animal shelters, and so on.

The training of your human being is if utmost importance. Once you've decided to adopt one, remember, it's not just for Christmas; it's for life or until you decide to replace it.

But you've already made the decision or otherwise you wouldn't still be reading. I won't discourage you. It's a decision many of us cats have made and for the most part it's a logical choice.

What sort of human should you adopt?

Humans are generally among the most stubborn of animals and their characters rarely change over the years. Stubbornness is a form of mental deficiency and is a sign of weak intelligence. If you have the opportunity, observe your target for an extended period before taking the plunge.

They seem to have some kind of obsession with seven. Do they do the same things over a seven day period? Cut the grass and then cut it again seven days later? Send the children out for the day five days a week and let them stay home for the other two? You've found a stubborn one. Try to find a more flexible one. We make a lot of investment in our humans, sometimes even giving up a life or two so finding an accommodating one is of paramount importance.

Observe how they act towards their children. Do they spoil them? Spoiling is a good sign. They will think of you as an extra child and will spoil you too.

But how do the children react towards cats? Do they chase them, annoy them, disturb them, wake them up from a well-deserved sleep? Watch the children carefully since some of them cannot differentiate cats from their toys. Humans, especially children, have a rather low level of intelligence.

What sort of accommodation will they provide you? Look for big. Big is good; it provides more places, such as dark cupboards, where you can retreat from bothersome attentions.

Look for a walled garden. Walled gardens are good. They keep dogs out.

Do they have a dog? or even worse, multiple dogs? Dogs are not good. They can be manipulative to your disadvantage. However, an old, lazy, fat one can be a useful asset. They often fail to finish all their food and this can supply a useful source of additional nourishment for snacks between meals. They can also keep other dogs away.

Do they have trees? Trees are good too. They provide an exciting alternative to ground-level viewpoints. You can survey your territory well from a tree and trees often house birds and other small creatures to supplement your diet.

Now comes the tricky part. You must, absolutely must, train your human. We are supplied by nature with the tools to do this; it's almost as if humans were created specifically to suit our assets.

Our main tools are our enormous vocal range, our purr, our claws, our persistence, our soft, seductive fur, our expressive tails, our gentle, staid and dignified locomotion and our rough tongues. Let's examine these assets in detail and learn how to use them to best advantage.

Vocal range

An extremely useful sound is the "chirp". You all know what I mean. When a human does something that pleases you, reward it with a chirp. You've been presented with your favourite food? Chirp. It's what's called positive reinforcement. They adore the sound and will learn over time to modify their behaviour so they can earn a chirp.

On the other hand, if they attempt to wash or bathe you, you need to punish this action severely with the howl. Accompany it with generous use of claws and persistence. This is called negative reinforcement. Make it sound like you're being murdered. They will be shamed when their neighbours start staring at their house, wondering whether to report them to the animal welfare authorities.Humans seem to be under the impression that bathing is good for you. As I said before they lack intelligence in certain areas. They need to wash because they have no fur to keep the dirt away from their skin. All we need is an occasional few minutes pleasurably licking our various body parts.

You've just woken up from a well-deserved sleep and you're hungry? Miaow plaintively. Not just once, do it again and again until they've learned that it means you need food. Not later; NOW. When they eventually get the message (and they will, oh yes, they will!) they will start to understand what their priorities should be.

Purring

Whilst a chirp is an instant reward for a job well done, it is short-lasting. If you need extensive attention, such as a warm lap, head-scratching and rubbing under the chin then you need to purr. Humans haven't yet worked out how we do it, how we make the sound, how we can purr and eat at the same time. We'll let them keep on guessing. But they seem to enjoy the purr and it is one of their major aims in life to get you to purr. Use it wisely; don't waste it on minor occasions.

Claws

Humans don't like to be clawed. This is probably because they have no fur and scratching opens up the skin and lets their blood out. Be particularly careful not to claw their children too much. It leaves evidence that can hardly be denied. However, it's a useful occasional reminder of our power to inflict pain and discomfort. Use it wisely because too much of this can lead to your being evicted from your own home and then you have the bother of locating another.

Persistence

It takes persistence to train humans because they are so obstinate themselves. You have to overcome their obstinacy with your persistence. Reward and punish again and again and again. They will learn in the end.

Fur

There's not much you can do to change the fur you were born with but fur is a wonderful tool in training humans. Use it to rub yourself against them as a reward for a job particularly well done or to make them feel guilty that you are pleasuring them while they're not reciprocating.

Tails

Whereas dogs seem to spend their lives stupidly wagging their tails at every opportunity and wasting energy even when nothing good is happening, our own tails are "THE WARNING". Humans have come to recognise this over the years and, if used intelligently and selectively, the flick of a tail lets them know in advance that you disapprove of their current actions on this occasion and these will eventually lead to clawing and howling. An example is when children want to play with you and you just want to eat or sleep. A few minutes of tail-flicking will warn them that worse is to follow.

Locomotion

Whereas dogs prance around looking like clowns, we cats have dignity. Humans appreciate dignity. Walk in a dignified manner at all times; it exudes power and intelligence. It reminds them that we are closely related to tigers, who can stalk humans easily and even eat a whole one with little effort.

Tongues

For some reason, humans like the feel of our rough tongues on their bare skin. Our research hasn't arrived at a conclusive reason for this but it might be due to the fact that it's the single most effective way of removing an itch. They seem to be unaware that we are actually tasting them. Their naked skin exudes valuable salts and we can take advantage of this to supplement the minerals in our diets.

Well, there you have it in a nutshell. I hope you'll bear all these tips in mind and enjoy your life with your new human.

Take a glimpse of these five amazing animals and take the challenge; in cases of life and death situation, would you try some of their waste products for cure?

Cow (Bos indicus)

While it is said to cure cancer, weakness due to fever is treated by drinking urine. Muscle pain can also be relieved by smear of dung and milk in mixture. To treat urticaria- a skin disorder, the dung is burnt and the ash is applied to the affected area.

Indian ass (Equs hemionus)

 

The dung of this animal is kept in water. After a day filtered water is given to cure jaundice.

Dog (Canis familiaris)

Urine is used as ear drop for curing earache.

Goat (Capra indicus)

Urine of goat is administered orally to cure tuberculosis. It can also be used in cases of paralysis and as an anti-asthma.

House sparrow (Passer domesticus)

Fecal matters or droppings are applied in the anus of baby to treat constipation. Ash of excreta is used for treatment of asthma in children.

The study also included the use of human urine. It is an effective antiseptic for wound healing.

The introduction of medicine in their agreeable dosage form (as tablets, capsules, drops etc.) had been decades ago. But, traditions and cultural differences continue to support the old ways. Many people around the globe would still prefer to have their drug in herbs and other plant extracts. Some still have more faith with the use of animal parts, including their waste products. Either way, we should respect every tradition and belief. Hopefully, the use of dung and urine of the animals mentioned above wouldn't harm them.

I admit, I would prefer taking drugs in their most convenient form. You?

     But now it was time to finally put things back together so, grabbing the box of large trashbags and a broom, I decidedly marched down the basement stairs.

     And was passed on the way down by two cats who were practically leaping and bounding over each other at the hope of High Adventure existing just beyond the last step.

     Well, this was certainly not going to be as easy as I had hoped, but I had only myself to blame for not shutting the kitchen door first before coming down here.  I resigned myself to the fact that I would now have to add 'kittysitting' to my current list of chores.

     Surveying the mess, I headed for one of the large storage tubs which had long since lost it's top...and which was now full of 'CAT'.

     "Come on, guys," I said as I picked each one up.  "I need to sort through this stuff, and I can't do it with you both inside."

     Putting them on the floor, I knelt down beside the tub and busied myself with the chore at hand.

     Noodleman stood there and looked at SpiceGirl who crouched down, wiggled her butt, and then shot forward into the ajoining storage room with Noodleman fast on her tail!

     While sorting and throwing away things no longer needed, I tried hard to not listen to the sounds of their running and jumping about but finally had to stop and investigate a loud 'THUMP...THUMP'.

     In the other room a half-empty box labeled 'Miscellaneous' was lying on it's side on the floor with SpiceGirl already nosing her way past pictures and old paperback books towards the small pink ball of yarn sitting just in front of her!

     The Second Culprit was right in back of the First Culprit when he looked up, saw me, and then booked it out of the room, leaving SpiceGirl to deal with the consequences at hand.

     With a mouth full of yarn, SpiceGirl suddenly became aware of her extended surroundings, spied me advancing on her,  spun around...yarn in mouth...and then ran between my legs and out the same door Noodleman had just gone through.

     Not the yarn!  I had saved that particular ball since before my kids were born...bought with the intention of knitting pretty baby blankets which, of course, were never finished...and now, after surviving over twenty seven years of being moved from place to place, this ball of yarn was never going to survive the antics of mischevious cats looking to have 'a good time'!

     "SPICEGIRL!   Bring that back!!!!!"

     Whirling about, I returned to the first room only to see SpiceGirl entering the laundryroom, still holding the yarn...and with a long string of yarn dragging behind her. 

     Sitting on top of the dryer, Noodleman saw the string, too.

     Pounce!  In one swoop, Noodleman was not just back on the floor but was now holding this string in HIS mouth.

     Great...just great....a cat at both ends!

     "Noodleman, drop it!" 

     Noodleman saw me coming and, with string in mouth, ran to the left.

     SpiceGirl saw me coming and, with ball in mouth, ran to the right.

     Now SpiceGirl might be younger and quicker than Noodleman, but obviously Noodleman knew the layout of the land better than she did because while he was going around the furnace and out the other side, SpiceGirl headed into the tool room...which only had one way in or out.  She stopped, glanced back at me, and then, taking the only option available to her, jumped up on one of the tool shelves.

     All the while, this poor ball of yarn was still becoming smaller.

     But, miracle of miracles, one of those infamous knots that had always interfered with my knitting advancements now made itself known, and STOPPED THE UNRAVELING!

     But it didn't stop Noodleman....

     One moment SpiceGirl was standing on the shelf, looking at me.

     The next moment SpiceGirl was pulled off her perch and back on the floor.

     Her lack of gracefulness not withstanding, I grabbed SpiceGirl with one hand, and the string with the other. Suddenly limp, the string was easily pulled towards me while the padding of paws could be heard running up the stairs.

     SpiceGirl struggled to get down but in no way, shape, or form was she going to get off THAT easily!

     Shifting her around in my arms, I said, "You are such a bad girl!"  She stopped struggling and just looked up at me.

     "Are you paying attention to me, little girl?  You've been a bad kitty today!"

     She reached a paw up and touched my nose.

     Yeah.  I was getting through to her.  Right!

     As soon as I put her on the floor, she shot up the stairs to find Noodleman.

     Sighing, I finished rerolling the ball of yarn and placed it inside another box.  Kneeling down besides the storage tub I had so long ago been working on, I again started sorting and throwing away stuff...

     ...While the sound of feet running from room to room echoed down to me through the ceiling!

     "I know how to fix THEIR wagon." I muttered to myself.  "We'll get a DOG!"

Thinking he had been called to dinner Mozart, their mutt dog, came into the room drooling.

I shouted at him. “Not only do you get to lounge around all day, with your only worries being about what you're going to eat and when your going to take a leak and a dump, but now you mock me by doing that.”

Percy moved to the bedroom to examine himself better. It was obvious that my jealousy had caused an awkward moment.

After talking to the women Mortimer would go back to his cubicle and tell his fellow accountant Karl what sort of underwear Lilly/Sandy/Kelly was wearing that day. High fives usually ensued.

My mother had let loose a tremendous fart on the bench and everyone heard it quite well due to the nature of the bench.

She shouted, “I guess we know that it works!”

I cried the entire way home.

About five minutes later Ted, her neighbor, and a good friend politely walked up to Grace and said she ought to go get her son before he gets into trouble. A bit puzzled she began looking in the direction Ted had pointed and soon found her son, along with the dog, sniffing the butt of the hostess. Horrified, she quickly grabbed her son by the arm and and began dragging him towards the car.

“C'mon Andy, since you can't behave we're going home!”

Andy began crying. “We were only playing follow the leader!”

The formation of the poem had taken every free moment he had for an entire week before he declared it ready. He found himself seeking her out after band practice and had pulled her off to a dark corner so that he may recite it to her in private. After he read the poem to her she stood there, mouth wide open and eyes almost popping out of her head. She abruptly slapped him and stormed away.

Ross was crestfallen. Not knowing what had gone wrong he recited the poem to himself the entire way home from school over and over again.

“Roses are red, Daisys are white, after we get in bed, lets do it tonight...Roses are red...”

Ross hit himself in the head, “You dummy! That wasn't original enough.”

If you liked that nonsense try these other articles of exactly the same caliber:

Lines I'd Like to see in Print

Lines I'd Like to see in Print 2

Lines I'd Like to see in Print 3

Lines I'd Like to see in Print 4

Image Source

Everything else in the ad is completely normal.  But when he mentions that he has a mustache, I burst out laughing!  This has lead me to believe that everything is funnier with a mustache.  The guy, for some unknown reason, had to mention that he had the mustache as though it was part of his definition of himself.  Does this mean that he won't shave it off ever?  Is it an integral part of his being?  Anyways, I digress.

A few years back, my son got a spy set as a gift and it included a fake mustache.  I had some friends over and he was showing off his new spy set.  One of my girlfriends put on the fake mustache.  Instantly she transformed into the drummer from Black Sabbath.  It was hysterical.

This does not mean in any way that I dislike mustaches.  My husband in fact sports one along with a goatee.  It just makes him look distinguished.  On others, they are just funny.

Image Source

Such a beautiful girl.  With a mustache -- funny.  No mustache -- beautiful.  This one reminds me of the famous milk commercials with the milk mustaches on the rich and famous.

Image Source

Similar to the shot above.  With mustache -- funny.  Without mustache -- cute dog.  He looks awfully serious.  Maybe the mustache does suit him.  You be the judge.

Image Source

Is this adorable tot trying to be more like her Grandpa by sporting a 'stache?  I can just picture the two of them riding in a Transam convertible...

Image Source

Then, of course, there's the old classic stand-by of the fake glasses-nose-mustache combo.  Adds a little mystery to one's persona.

Image Source

There's a user on Flickr named clareh61 who's images highlight the hilarity of mustaches.  They have photo shopped a stylish 'stache onto all sorts of famous images.  My personal favorite is the Energizer Bunny.  I don't know why but to me he looks like he belongs in some strange 70's porno.  I think I have issues!

Image Source

This sexy pin-up is given an entirely different feel with the addition of the Flickr mustache.  Definitely startling, that's for sure!

Image Source

Or what about President Elect, Barrack Obama sporting the same facial hair style?  I think it totally ages him, somehow.  Priceless.

Image Source

There is, of course, a whole culture of people who are mustache aficionados.  Men growing all sorts of intricate, complex mustaches for a variety of reasons.   There are dozens of articles on this topic, I'm sure.  I think that some men see the mustache as a way to get people to view them differently.  Seeing this guy definitely makes me smile, that's for sure.

Image Source

This final image is my favorite.  This guy had to tattoo another face just so that he could have two chances at facial hair fun!  Imagine the maintenance that this look requires though.  He even has hair on his eyebrows on the back of his head.  Astounding and hysterical all at the same time!

Here is why I hate Thanksgiving...

• In my mid-twenties I'm still one of the youngest family members at granny's house and am forced to sit at the children's table. (away from the TV and the football game) I spend most of my meal fighting over sippy-cups and being called a poop-head. 

• Beans are usually served; I have a large (weight-wise) family.  Enough said about that.

• In her old age granny is starting to forget some things.  One of these things is to take out the special bag of bits that comes with every turkey you buy at the store.  By the time the platter gets round to me all that is left is something more akin to fish bait than food.

• Canned Cranberries.  Seriously, what is the deal with canned cranberries?  They're just creepy.  Is it a scented candle that fell over?  Jell-O in a Jell-O mold?  Frozen blood? Just get out of here with that stuff.

• Baxter, granny's dog, hasn't been neutered.  Granny's dog is in love with my leg.

• I am a Detroit Lions fan.

• Everyone in my family knows I am a Detroit Lions fan.

• The Detroit Lions suck by the way, and are usually on television only one time a year. On Thanksgiving.  I am petitioning to get Thanksgiving Day called Detroit Lions Lose Day.  It is a tradition I think all of us could embrace more fully.

Happy Thanksgiving you pumpkin pie-eating idiots!

“What are you doing, young fellows?” he asked, with fatherly interest.

“Tradin’ lies,” said one of  the boys. “The person who can tell the biggest one gets the pup.”

“Shocking!” exclaimed the minister. “Why, when I was  your age, I never would have even thought about telling a lie.”

“You win!” shouted the children. “The dog is yours, mister.”