When I turned 14, however, I thought at first that Halloween would never again be the Special Night that it was because my parents informed me that I was too old now to go "Trick or Treating with the little kids."  (Just a word to the wise here; don't use the argument, "...but I'll be with my friends and all we'll do is walk the streets."  Trust me, this won't fly!)  "No daughter of mine is going to be 'just walking the streets' at ten o'clock at night!", my father snorted.  I tried to put some sanity and reason into the situation by pointing out that my brother  was going out...in costume...with HIS friends so why couldn't I do the same?  (Dumb...dumb...dumb...never try to win an arguement concerning age by using an eleven-year-old as an example.  What was I thinking?!)  To say the least, this war was over before it had begun.  Now what?  My friends were all dressing up...walking around town...carrying pillowcases and bags, of course.  Nobody's going to say, "Hey Mildred...there's some kids over there who are too big to go "Trick or Treating.  Toss them some Milk Duds."  Halloween as I knew it was now over...gone...with only the chore of handing out candy being the highlight of the evening.  I might as well go up to my room and read a book...or go sit in the barn.  Wait a minute.  The barn!  Halloween was still two weeks away, and the barn had lots of 'stuff' in it that could maybe give me some ideas as to how to still have fun on that most Scary of scary nights. 

And what a plan I came up with, too!  Up in the barn I had found old clothes, plenty of straw, rope, and a rubber skeleton mask that went over the entire head.  Yup...you guessed it.  Our house sat on top of a small hill with a large h-shaped driveway cutting through the land, and kids would be coming up one side, getting their candy like the little innocents they were, and traveling down the other side back to the street.  Except for one detail they wouldn't know about until it was too late; 'Herman' and I would be waiting for them by the old apple tree!

I had worked out all the details, done several "flight" tests with 'Herman', and everything was in perfect working order.  The tree limb length, the rope, 'Herman's straw stuffing and mask, and the safety pins that I had found in an old trunk all pointed to Karma being on my side (for a change). 

Halloween finally arrived, and as dusk settled over the quiet neighborhood, I stealthily hung up 'Herman' to where he would swing out and over that part of the driveway when the time was right.  My face was blackened with soot, my clothing was dark,  and I had a bottle of rootbeer to keep me company while leaning back against the base of the tree...waiting...waiting.  I even allowed a couple small groups of Trick or Treaters to travel by the tree without incident.  (See?  I AM a nice person).

But finally I heard LOTS of voices coming up the other side of the lawn...children and adults alike all dressed up and heading for the front porch!  "Please, please, please let them come by 'Herman' and me" I prayed to the Halloween God of Pranks.  And He/She must have heard me because I could now hear grownup voices directing the crowd to come...THIS...way!  I slowly stood up in the shadows, made sure that 'Herman''s rope was free of snags, and watched the little goblins walk, skip, jump, and run down the driveway.  I waited for what seemed like an eternity but the moment finally arrived...the kids and grownups were in The Zone!  With a bloodcurdling shriek, I let 'Herman' fly, and noone could have asked for a more perfectly-timed flight!  The night erupted with screams, yells, bags flying up in the air, ghosts and monsters and even clowns scattering to the north, south, and west (I was east), and grownups tripping over themselves and others while trying to 'save the kids'!  It was fantastic!  There was candy EVERYWHERE!  Why hadn't I ever thought of doing this before now?  It sure beat going house to house for a Snickers bar here and a Mounds bar there.  In one swoop I had obtained a large bag of sugary bounty that was sure to last me...oh...let's see...a week?

After over an hour more of waiting with no new prey to pounce on, I figured the gig was up and that the news of 'Herman' must have gone around the Trick or Treater Circle almost instantaneously.  (The screams, alone, must have been heard for at least a mile away!).  I figured I had to settle for 'quality' and not 'quantity'...oh wait...I had candy!...LOTS of candy!  Let's rethink the quantity-thing.  So I threw in the towel and trudged up to the house.  Once inside, my mother looked at me and asked, "what are you doing up here?  Why aren't you at the tree?"  After explaining my boredom with the rest of the night, she started laughing and informed me that while I had chosen this moment to come up to the house, my brother and his friends were  ambushing my lair with the mistaken idea that I was still down there. 

And people think there's no Halloween God!   What did I tell you...Karma was on my side!

Now that the boring introduction's out of the way, on to the fun part:

The Cursed Car

In September 1955, a man named James Dean was killed by a car accident while he was driving his Porsche. Afterward, the car had some very unlucky occurrences surrounding it.

First, when the car was towed away from the accident, the engine slipped out and fell on one of the mechanics, which unfortunately shattered both of his legs.

If that wasn't bad enough, the engine was bought by a doctor, who decided to put it into a racing car that he owned. He was later killed in a race in which he had been using the car with the cursed engine.

Then, when the Porsche was repaired, the garage that it was repaired in was burned down in a fire.
The car was later put on display in Sacramento, California, but it fell off of it's mount and ended up breaking a teenager's hip.

Later, in Oregon, the trailer that the car was mounted on slipped from it's towbar and smashed right through the front of a shop.

4 years later, in 1959, the car somehow broke into 11 pieces. (and while it was on steel supports!)

The Legend of King Umberto

Monza, Italy.

One day, King Umberto I went to dinner at a small restaurant. When the owner took his order, he noticed that the two of them looked identical. They talked to each other and found even more similarities.

• Both were born on the same day, in the same year. (March 14th, 1844)
• Both had been born in the same town.
• Both married a woman named Margherita.
• The owner of the restaurant started business on the same day that Umberto was crowned King of Italy.

On July 29th, 1900, King Umberto was told that the restaurant owner had died that day in a mysterious shooting accident. As Umberto was feeling regretful for him, a wild-looking man suddenly pushed through a crowd and assassinated Umberto.

A Friendly Game of Poker

In 1858, Robert Fallon was shot and died while playing poker. He had apparently been killed as an act of revenge by the people playing with him. They claimed he had won the $600 (worth a lot back then) pot through cheating. With his seat now empty and none of the other players wanting to take the now unlucky $600, they found someone new to take his place, and staked him with the $600.

Later, when police arrived to investigate the killing, the new player had already turned the $600 into $2200 in winnings. The police demanded that he give the original $600 to Fallon's next of kin - and discovered that the new player was Fallon's son, who hadn't seen his father for seven years!

The Mystery Monk

In Austria during the 19th century, a near-famous painter named Joseph Aigner attempted to commit suicide several times.

1. First attempt - Aigner tried to hang himself at the age of 18, but was interrupted by a mysterious monk.
2. Second attempt - At age 22, he tried again to hang himself, but was interrupted by the same monk.
3. Eight years later, he was sentenced to death, but was saved by yet again the same monk.

 At age 68, he was finally successful in committing suicide. His funeral ceremony was conducted by, amazingly, the same monk.

The Occurrence of Greenberry Hill

November 26, 1911:

Three men were hanged at Greenberry Hill in London after being convicted of murdering Sir Edmund Berry Godfrey. The names of the killers were Robert GREEN, Henry BERRY, and Lawrence HILL.

1. A loose tooth can mean the end of youth
2. Bulk mail only gets heavier with age
3. A closed mind is hard to open without the right key
4. You can never be rich with an impoverished mind
5. Energizing your body with biofuels is a corny idea
6. It is better to strike out in a baseball game than to strike out in life
7. Running around in circles will only make you dizzy
8. You cannot get peace and prosperity from carving a turkey
9. Do not fear your destiny unless you are in the middle of a Category 5 hurricane
10. A piece of mom's apple pie will lead you to having peace of mind
11. All things are relative unless your in-laws are planning to visit you tomorrow
12. Your broken heart cannot be mended with duct tape
13. A filthy house does not translate into a filthy mind
14. The girlfriend of your dreams is hidden above the clouds
15. Plan for an immediate change in your life. You are being transferred to the Arctic.
16. The higher the heel, the bigger the fall
17. Trees are the foundation of life. Let your spirit take root in them.
18. It is wiser to have naked ambition than to have a naked body in a public setting
19. The more light bulbs that you change, the brighter your future shall be
20. It is a novel idea to read a novel when you have the chance

The narrow countertop between the range and refrigerator is my chosen space for making sandwiches, and also is where the plastic butter dish sits in front of our Euro-style toaster as it rests against the wall, taking up the entire width of the counter.  I keep the paper plates on top of the refrigerator, next to the sixteen ounce bottles of acai and pomegranate juice that I sometimes use for variety in place of water when cooking oatmeal.

On the day in question, I wished to make a sandwich, so I moved the butter dish to the gas range, and reached up for a paper plate.  As I tugged a plate loose from the pile on the fridge, I turned to my left, intending to reach into the cupboard across the way in search of ingredients.  Turns out that I had, in addition to loosening a plate from the stack, set the juice bottles wobbling, and the one nearest the edge teetered on over to fall off the refrigerator.

Now it gets interesting.  The bottle did not just crash to the waiting countertop and bounce, as plastic bottles are built to do.  No, it fell in perfect position to strike the curved front/top of the toaster, which caused the bottle to change direction toward the lower cupboards on the other side of the kitchen.  This change of direction was accompanied by an increase in the bottle’s airspeed, from the gravitational rate of thirty-two feet per second-squared, to something around four times that rate of acceleration.  Even more amazing, it struck the chrome handle of the opposing cupboard with the only vulnerable part of a flexible plastic bottle; its hard plastic cap.

The cap shattered on impact with the cupboard handle, dumping the entire sixteen ounces of purple fluid on the floor in front of the cupboards.  Did I mention that our dining/living room carpet begins at the end of that set of cupboards?  Well, being an ex-athlete, I moved with extreme grace and speed, throwing open the door beneath the sink and tearing off a length of paper towel, all in one smooth motion, and immediately bent forward to begin sopping up the juice.  In the process of bending, of course, my backside was pushed backward to allow me not to whack my head against the cupboards while wiping the floor.

Being the talented fellow that I am, I managed to turn on one of the gas burners on the range with one cheek of my backside, while simultaneously applying paper towel to purple liquid.  Hearing the click-click and whoosh of the burner, I whipped quickly around and found the controller, shutting off the gas to the burner that had lit beneath the TupperwareÔ butter dish, and turning toward my wife, who had dashed into the kitchen at the sound of the smashing plastic cap.  Before I could suck in enough air to say anything, there was a flash at the corner of my vision, as the butter dish flared up with a very pretty, butter and plastic-fed flame.  She beat me to it, and managed to put the flame out with no further disaster.

Now I began, while continuing the original cleanup of juice, to rant.  I said something on the order of; “Did you see that?!  Do you know ANYONE else that that would happen to!?  I mean, COME ON!  Tell me just one…”

At that point, one of our Cavalier King Charles Spaniels got a bit nervous at my tone of voice, and peed on the floor.

I left the room.  Yah, and I left her to clean up the rest of the mess, too.  Anyone laughing that hard needs something on which to focus in order to calm her breathing and slow her heart rate.

It was a beautiful morning; just like any other ordinary day and everything was the same with ABC elementary school. A very dedicated teacher was trying to convey a message to her students the danger of drinking alcohol. And so, on that particular day, she came into the class with two drinking glasses and two living worms. She poured mineral water into one glass and another one with alcoholic beverage.

Teacher : Look kids, look carefully to what will happen when I put the worms into

the glasses. One of it I will put into a glass of mineral water and another

one into a glass of liquor.

Then, she put into each of the glasses a worm, as a life sample. All her students attentively looked at the two worms. The outcome was as expected. The worm in the mineral water was gliding vividly at the bottom of the glass. Meanwhile, the worm in the other glass filled with liquor squirmed and died after a few seconds. She smiled satisfactorily at the results and was very happy that her students are actually paying attention and taking her little experiment seriously.

Teacher : Alright kids, what can you learn from the outcome of the experiment that

we just did?

Students : To avoid worm infection….drink more alcohol! (they replied almost in

unison.)

Room Number 27

A man called a mental hospital and asked the nurse who picked up the phone whether bed number 27 is occupied with a patient or not. The nurse put him on hold and went to check the said bed. A few minutes later, the nurse picked up the phone and told the man that the bed is momentarily vacant. The nurse was about to continue the conversation when the man abruptly cut off the line. He was laughing happily later on and said, “Yes! That means I've made the escape. Yahoo!!”

What A Good Boy!

Two good friends finally get to meet up after being 10 years apart, not being able to see one another. They were sitting, chatting and sharing stories about almost everything.

Mom/Friend B : So you're married?

Mom/Friend A : Yeah, and I have a very fine son. He's such a good boy!

Mom/Friend B : Oh really? Does he smoke?

Mom/Friend A : No. He's sensitive to smokes. He'll cough if he breathe in any.

Mom/Friend B : Has he ever drinks?

Mom/Friend A : Never. He's a real good son.

Mom/Friend B : Does he socialize a lot and comes back late at night?

Mom/Friend A : Not at all. He's really the hope of the family. Never once

disappoint me yet.

Mom/Friend B : Hmm. I see. I have no doubts now. He seems like a real good boy

after all! What does he do now? Is he still in school or working?

Mom/Friend A : Oh! He's still in nursery. He's probably eating his lunch by this

time. Next week, he'll be celebrating his first birthday. (She said

with a big grin on her face)

Laughing, Smiling, Kidding & Joking

Man : May I have your father's first name please?

Child : My father's name is Laughing.

Man : And your mother's first name?

Child : Her name is Smiling.

Man : Wait a minute, little boy! Are you kidding?

And the boy answered…

Child : No, that's my sister. I'm Joking!

Canadians do not have the institution known as “tea”. Therefore it will be hard to get a proper cup of tea either in a restaurant or in someone's home. A restaurant called “Tim Horton's” says it has good tea. If your host is from the British Isles, they might give you tea; but many Canadians have very creative ways of making tea.

I would suggest that you stick with the coffee.

The best place to find a washroom is in a coffee shop. Restaurants are required by law to have washrooms. The other place to find a washroom is in a shopping mall.

The worst place to find a washroom is in the train station. But at least they are functional. Most homes have washrooms.

Canadians don't wear fur coats in August and most of us do not live in Igloos. If you visit Canada in August be prepared for hot weather. Pack your swimsuit. Of course if you visit Canada between September to April, you may wish to pack a coat.

Visiting at Christmas. Despite the cold, the hustle and bustle of the Airport, Christmas is a lot of fun in Canada. Many cities, of which Toronto is the most famous, have Santa Claus parades some time around November and December.

There are lots of place to go shopping. And most churches have special services. But be aware, it is cold In Canada at Christmas. Pack sweaters, mittens and hats. But if I were you I would book my holiday between May and October.

Everyone, no matter who you are, needs to wear a hat in the winter. It doesn"t have to be fancy. You can knit a hat. Or you can buy a haat aat a store. You can buy a hat aaand give to charity at the same time. A winter hat is also called a toque.

My mother used to say, “Wear a hat Mary or else your ears will fall off".

I know most people don't have a trampoline, but for those of you that do, or can borrow your neighbors, it still is fun.  Really!  You might have thought you had drained all the fun juice out of that sucker, but trust me, it is really fun.  Just try some new wacky tricks, like landing a frontflip if you already hadn't.  You could also get a ball and just throw it around, just be creative.

Play With Your Pet

Most likely, you pets are also very bored, so it is a double win, YEAH!  Most common thing to do with you pet is take them out for a walk, and why not.  It couldn't hurt...except that creepy guy down the street that always stalks you.  Anyway, forget him, just have fun with walking your pet.

Read Some Articles

This is, of course, a website that publishes nearly any article you can think of.  One of the funnest things Iv'e found to do is just skim through random articles.  There are many interesting ones, just find a topic that you like to read about.  Oh and it wouldn't hurt to read some of my articles.

Go Sightseeing

You don't have to travel to any exotic place to go sightseeing.  There is probably a just as good place in your yard to go sightseeing.  I know this sounds boring, but you will find things you've never really noticed before.  You will really get a whole new perspective about the world.

Play Japanese Mario Kitten

Ok, ok, I know what you are thinking.  WTF is Japanese Mario Kitten.

This:

CLICK HERE

This, might be the most frustrating, yet, funnest game I have ever played.  This game really tests your brain and your logical thinking with reverse psychology and other mind tricks.  You will be lucky if you get past the first level.  Things are not always as they seem in this game.  I am willing to give you the walkthrough, but I still think you will have a terribly touch time beating this game.

Walkthrough:

Ice Cream

Where would the world be without this little chilly treat? Cool to the tongue or brain freeze central, ice cream makes us all happy.

Macaroni and Cheese

From a box, a cafeteria or mom's stove mac and cheese is certainly, universally thought of when comfort is needed.

Pizza

All night study sessions, check. Monday night football, check. The box said permanent hair color, check. Pizza is well "rounded" for every situation.

Hamburgers

Whether is your $16 gourmet burger or the dollar menu special, hamburgers is a classic choice for any crisis.

Fried Chicken

Even though no one really uses the term "fried" anymore, we know exactly when it is needed and what it is needed for. Extra crispy or original recipe, fried chicken is an all-American, down home choice for "greasing" away our troubles.

Cheesecake

Possibly the most amazing dessert creation and works well for any misfortune. If you are feeling guilty about the entire cheesecake you just ate think of it like this, you needed this food to well comfort you. And since the word cheese is in the title, consider it your daily serving of dairy. If it were covered with a fruit topping, then it is your daily serving of fruit. It's a win-win situation.

I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to speak two languages, even if it was very poorly.  I only speak English and have difficulties with just that at times.  Our culture too likes to use Foreign phrases as decoration on clothing.  One can only imagine what they actually say.  I bet people in Japan and beyond make fun of what's on our t-shirts.  Or worse, make fun of what our tattoos actually say!

This shirt reads: "Have hope, and Proceed.  It will be opened certainly tomorrow.  Bachelorsdeg 1684 a learned society investigation discovery!!  Tomorrow begins to run if a sword is held to the lightning of the sky and the light of hope is collected.  Anyone keeps wandering during the trip of the far maze.  It keeps walking in search of the exit which can't be seen yet."

Sounds very Spock-like.  "Have Hope and Proceed" vs. "Live Long and Prosper".  I'm not sure what exactly is going to be opened tomorrow.  I guess the exit to the maze after the light of hope is collected?

This one reads:"Research on ways of usage.  Sincerity is the Key.  How dose it feel to use?  I'm already using it to the necessity to us habit-forming."

I'm not sure exactly what they're researching the ways of usage of.  Maybe ways to pick up girls?  Sincerity is the key to that.  I guess you need medication to use it to be dosed with.  And the medication is habit-forming.  Sounds good to me.

This reads:  "Hollywood Masters Forest 32th Indies Natural.  Funky Gangs."

I'm not sure which one is funnier -- the 32th part or the Funky Gangs part.  I guess they like the look of sports shirts but just can't understand what exactly they say.

This reads:  "Take good care of uterus". 

You weren't mistaken.  I have no idea what the original intention of this shirt could have been.  But it is funny.  Very funny.  And the owner seems really proud of it.

This one reads: "Do you eat me??" 

I'm assuming they mean the ice cream, not the person.  Maybe they're trying to pick up cannibals and the ice cream is only there as a lure.

This reads: "It is only of reative funny." 

I beg to differ.  This shirt is more than relatively funny.  It's just plain funny.  Really, really funny.

This reads: "NY don't heart U." 

Ouch.  They're a little less than subtle on this one.  I bet this one would actually be really popular in New York!

This one reads: "Dlahonds ard girls hpst fridnd". 

I guess the only word they actually knew was girls.  Which isn't a bad word to know.  Much funnier than Diamonds are a girls best friend.

This one reads: "Levitation.  Heart.  Just Listen.  Since 1925.  Please try to take it easy.  I would never stab you." 

It's all fine until the stabbing part!  This is one of the ones that make me wonder if some of the "mistakes" are more purposeful than we would think.  Completely hysterical.  There's no way I could take it easy if I was having a conversation with this person.  If they have to have it written on their shirt that they would never stab you, then there's probably some very serious issues happening.

This reads:  "Peaceful since 1980."

Before that, there was absolute chaos!  I wonder what happened in 1980?  Maybe they wore the previous t-shirt about not stabbing you before 1980.

This reads:  "Fruit.  If it eats the fruit, it becomes very energetic."

Fruit is good for you.  Sure.  I'm not sure I'd phrase it this way exactly though.  Maybe the kids wearing the next shirt just ate a bunch of fruit.

This reads:  "Boisterous Laughter.  Gutsy team that shows a lot of spunk.  Amusing."

All of the text on this shirt is funny.  I especially like that it's actually marked as "Amusing".  That it is.

This reads:  "Lacked have to life in me when such a thing."

Maybe lonely people should wear this shirt.  Or suicidal ones.  I'm not sure.

This one reads simply:  "Bounce with anger".

I love it.  I'd totally wear this shirt.  It's somewhere between making sense and not making sense.  Makes readers wonder just what you're thinking!

This sweat shirt reads:  "1956 Hello Moosc Cluo".

What?  You don't think this was licensed by Disney?  Do they have knock offs in Japan???

This reads:  "Everytime the light keeps shining on me.  Otherwise you can bearly see."

Okay, this probably doesn't have it's proper licensing agreement either.  It is definitely my favourite though and is #1 on my Christmas list this year.  If anyone knows where I could get it...  It's a rip off of the Grateful Dead's song Truckin'.  The actual lyrics go "Sometimes the lights all shining on me.  Other times, I can barely see."  The next two lines of the song are a perfect conclusion for this article.  "Lately it occurs to me, what a long strange trip it's been."