It seems this elephant has grown tired of dragging his trunk around and has found a temporary solution. When you are having a bad day, with too many burdens, just remember those poor elephants that have huge trunks they have to drag around all of the time.

Toucan

Have you ever seen a toucan and wished it was made out of sugar, a sort of tropical medley candy confection? I have have at least twice in my life. This is one of those times.

Tapirs

I wonder if tapirs are jealous of pigs' pert upturned noses. Tapirs have snouts similar to pigs with the exception that they sort of sag, and are kinda longer. Could snout envy be an issue in the animal kingdom? Let us hope not.

Anteater

This anteater would like you all to know that its' tongue is as long as its' snout. A fact that he seems to be quite proud of for the obvious reason winning first prize for six out of the last five International Insect eating competitions. He had a cold one year, slight sniffles.

Elephant Seal

The male is the big one with is flipper around the girl. Well you know what they say about males with bigs noses. We'll just leave it at that.

Star-Nosed Mole

In his spare time this star nosed mole moonlights as an aster in Mrs Covington's flower garden. He's still waiting for his payroll check from Mrs Covington. I don't have the heart to tell him she is not impressed with his job performance. Perhaps if he bigger, or a brighter color he might have a better chance at winning her admiration.

Crocodile

This snout is part nose, part mouth, part trash compactor, part meat slicer, and part anything that gets too close to the crimper.

Spoonbill

You may have heard about the ugly duckling who turned into a beautiful swan. But do you recall the ugiliest flamingo of all? Gerald, the ugly flamingo had a very flattened nose and if you ever saw it you would say that's not a darn flamingo, it is a spoonbill.

Elephant Shark

As soon as a poor animal is found with a bigger than usual snout people always want to put the word "Elephant" it front. Like the Elephant Seal we saw earlier. This poor guy does not think that is fair and would prefer to be addressed as the "Australian Ghost Shark". I have similar sentiments, although I don't mind being called "Mark Gordon Brown", I look forward to the day when people call me "That Multimillionaire guy with the crazy looking animals on his farm".

Jimmy Durante

The most famous nose of all belongs to the late Jimmy Durante. He was known as "Schnozzola" and had his start in Vaudeville, but we all know him as the loveable narator for the animated television Christmas special "Frosty the Snowman". Just as the beauty of all the different snouts in the animal kingdom (yes of course humans are animals too), the diversity in human noses adds character to us all. "Good night Mrs. Calabash, where ever you are."

The Photos are from Wikimedia and should not be used without checking their licensing agreements for yourself as it relates to your purpose.

Halloween will soon be here. The sounds of children saying trick or treat are wonderful. It's also time to go pick a pumpkin from the pumpkin patch. I recently read about a 450-pound pumpkin that was stolen. What would you do with a 450-pound pumpkin? Here is a list of ideas:

1. Make the world's largest pumpkin pie
2. Save the pumpkin in case you run into Cinderella
3. Save it for the Jolly Green Giant to carve for his Halloween decoration
4. Give it to Clifford the Big Red Dog and call it the Big Orange Ball
5. Drill three holes in it and claim it to be the world's biggest bowling ball
6. Put in on the Slim Down Pumpkin Diet
7. Send it to Sarah Palin and title it “The Pumpkin to Nowhere.”.
8. Spread the pumpkin seeds near and far and be called Johnny Pumpkinseed
9. Paint it white and claim that it's an egg that you found. In addition, say that the egg is from a large extinct dinosaur.
10. Claim that this is a shot put to be used by the Incredible Hulk

Now that the boring introduction's out of the way, on to the fun part:

The Cursed Car

In September 1955, a man named James Dean was killed by a car accident while he was driving his Porsche. Afterward, the car had some very unlucky occurrences surrounding it.

First, when the car was towed away from the accident, the engine slipped out and fell on one of the mechanics, which unfortunately shattered both of his legs.

If that wasn't bad enough, the engine was bought by a doctor, who decided to put it into a racing car that he owned. He was later killed in a race in which he had been using the car with the cursed engine.

Then, when the Porsche was repaired, the garage that it was repaired in was burned down in a fire.
The car was later put on display in Sacramento, California, but it fell off of it's mount and ended up breaking a teenager's hip.

Later, in Oregon, the trailer that the car was mounted on slipped from it's towbar and smashed right through the front of a shop.

4 years later, in 1959, the car somehow broke into 11 pieces. (and while it was on steel supports!)

The Legend of King Umberto

Monza, Italy.

One day, King Umberto I went to dinner at a small restaurant. When the owner took his order, he noticed that the two of them looked identical. They talked to each other and found even more similarities.

• Both were born on the same day, in the same year. (March 14th, 1844)
• Both had been born in the same town.
• Both married a woman named Margherita.
• The owner of the restaurant started business on the same day that Umberto was crowned King of Italy.

On July 29th, 1900, King Umberto was told that the restaurant owner had died that day in a mysterious shooting accident. As Umberto was feeling regretful for him, a wild-looking man suddenly pushed through a crowd and assassinated Umberto.

A Friendly Game of Poker

In 1858, Robert Fallon was shot and died while playing poker. He had apparently been killed as an act of revenge by the people playing with him. They claimed he had won the $600 (worth a lot back then) pot through cheating. With his seat now empty and none of the other players wanting to take the now unlucky $600, they found someone new to take his place, and staked him with the $600.

Later, when police arrived to investigate the killing, the new player had already turned the $600 into $2200 in winnings. The police demanded that he give the original $600 to Fallon's next of kin - and discovered that the new player was Fallon's son, who hadn't seen his father for seven years!

The Mystery Monk

In Austria during the 19th century, a near-famous painter named Joseph Aigner attempted to commit suicide several times.

1. First attempt - Aigner tried to hang himself at the age of 18, but was interrupted by a mysterious monk.
2. Second attempt - At age 22, he tried again to hang himself, but was interrupted by the same monk.
3. Eight years later, he was sentenced to death, but was saved by yet again the same monk.

 At age 68, he was finally successful in committing suicide. His funeral ceremony was conducted by, amazingly, the same monk.

The Occurrence of Greenberry Hill

November 26, 1911:

Three men were hanged at Greenberry Hill in London after being convicted of murdering Sir Edmund Berry Godfrey. The names of the killers were Robert GREEN, Henry BERRY, and Lawrence HILL.

1. An autograph picture of Sarah Palin hugging a bear. (Even the bear smiles in this picture)
2. A George Bush playing card with Hurricane Katrina in the background. (Best examined during high tide)
3. A picture of Britney Spears after she has left an all night party. (Don't worry if the picture looks a little bit blurry)
4. A handbook of famous Dick Cheney quotations. This includes a photo showing Dick Cheney holding the carcass of a dead deer. (You can't miss Dick Cheney's famous scowl)
5. An Amy Winehouse book of food and drug recipes. (This book comes complete with an Amy Winehouse centerfold)
6. The complete DVD set of Paris Hilton's disco dancing party spots. (The music is as glitzy as Paris Hilton)
7. A box of red, white, and blue condoms. (It's great to be a patriot)
8. Season one of Sex in the City spoken in Japanese. (Unfortunately, there are no English subtitles)
9. My foreclosure notice. (I may need to bury my time capsule on different property)
10. My Catwoman DVD. (I know the movie was awful, but it still has sentimental value)

1. A loose tooth can mean the end of youth
2. Bulk mail only gets heavier with age
3. A closed mind is hard to open without the right key
4. You can never be rich with an impoverished mind
5. Energizing your body with biofuels is a corny idea
6. It is better to strike out in a baseball game than to strike out in life
7. Running around in circles will only make you dizzy
8. You cannot get peace and prosperity from carving a turkey
9. Do not fear your destiny unless you are in the middle of a Category 5 hurricane
10. A piece of mom's apple pie will lead you to having peace of mind
11. All things are relative unless your in-laws are planning to visit you tomorrow
12. Your broken heart cannot be mended with duct tape
13. A filthy house does not translate into a filthy mind
14. The girlfriend of your dreams is hidden above the clouds
15. Plan for an immediate change in your life. You are being transferred to the Arctic.
16. The higher the heel, the bigger the fall
17. Trees are the foundation of life. Let your spirit take root in them.
18. It is wiser to have naked ambition than to have a naked body in a public setting
19. The more light bulbs that you change, the brighter your future shall be
20. It is a novel idea to read a novel when you have the chance

1. Aqua Impure. Loaded with heavy minerals.
2. Sunshine Sludge. Water looks darker than a cola drink.
3. Polar Ice Cap. Think global warming after every sip.
4. Sew Age Deluxe. This water does not come from the freshest lakes.
5. Sweat N Style. Water mixed with human sweat. Not for the faint hearted.
6. Global Algae. It's not easy being green. However, this water is loaded with green and slime.
7. Bubbly Fizz. Looks and tastes carbonated. Lots of artificial ingredients added to the “fresh” water.
8. City H2O. Tap water in a fancy bottle. This water is designed for the urban crowd.
9. Mountain Avalanche. Feel the cold. Water goes down heavy like a natural avalanche.
10. Lake Crème. Water has a smooth, frosty taste. Loaded with 40 grams of sugar. Water comes from Lake Superior. Whipped cream is added for flavor. On second thought, your kids might love to drink this water.

I know most people don't have a trampoline, but for those of you that do, or can borrow your neighbors, it still is fun.  Really!  You might have thought you had drained all the fun juice out of that sucker, but trust me, it is really fun.  Just try some new wacky tricks, like landing a frontflip if you already hadn't.  You could also get a ball and just throw it around, just be creative.

Play With Your Pet

Most likely, you pets are also very bored, so it is a double win, YEAH!  Most common thing to do with you pet is take them out for a walk, and why not.  It couldn't hurt...except that creepy guy down the street that always stalks you.  Anyway, forget him, just have fun with walking your pet.

Read Some Articles

This is, of course, a website that publishes nearly any article you can think of.  One of the funnest things Iv'e found to do is just skim through random articles.  There are many interesting ones, just find a topic that you like to read about.  Oh and it wouldn't hurt to read some of my articles.

Go Sightseeing

You don't have to travel to any exotic place to go sightseeing.  There is probably a just as good place in your yard to go sightseeing.  I know this sounds boring, but you will find things you've never really noticed before.  You will really get a whole new perspective about the world.

Play Japanese Mario Kitten

Ok, ok, I know what you are thinking.  WTF is Japanese Mario Kitten.

This:

CLICK HERE

This, might be the most frustrating, yet, funnest game I have ever played.  This game really tests your brain and your logical thinking with reverse psychology and other mind tricks.  You will be lucky if you get past the first level.  Things are not always as they seem in this game.  I am willing to give you the walkthrough, but I still think you will have a terribly touch time beating this game.

Walkthrough:

I've done this many different times and I believe it is the best way to conceal any fart whether big or small. This technique won't really work if your farts are loud but if they are silent and deadly like mine this works almost every single time. If you left a friend's conversation or see your friends while walking try and walk a extra 4-5 minutes to complete your innocence.

2) Go to the Bathroom

This technique also works wonders for me and I think that not many people do this. Sometimes when I'm walking, and I feel a fart coming on, I dash into the closest bathroom and release my pent-up fart. I also suggest going into a stall because if you fart loud in a stall people will just assume you're just going number two and there also isn't too much embarrassment since people can't really see you either.

3) Yell something loud

I've used this maybe once or twice but it does sort of get the job done. This definitely won't work if your farts are smelly but if they are just loud with no smell I highly suggest this. You can't yell something on the street randomly but if you're in a conversation with one of your friends and you feel it coming out you can just yell something like WOW THAT'S SO INTERESTING or AWESOME (it has to be enthusiastic and related to your conversation). The key thing with this is you have to time it just right with your fart. Sometimes, people fart before or after they yell and then it just defeats the whole technique.

4) Blame someone else

This works only if you are great actor or actress and you can clearly communicate with people. You can't just blame someone right away for that smell you already knew was coming. I wait a couple of seconds until someone else has smelled or heard that someone has farted and then I immediately go to work. I have a long story in mind and use my excellent "detective" skills to find that some other person farted when I usually am the one to blame. Be careful ,though, never do this with just three people because usually they can figure out it was you.

5) Pretend to be clueless

In meetings or classrooms if you let a fart out and you just pretend nothing happened sometimes everyone else feels the same way. A great tip to follow, when you're in class, is to put your head down and pretend your are sleeping. No one blames a guy who's asleep for that massive fart in the back of the class. In meetings, I'd just let one rip and keep going about my business because usually everyone else is focused in the meeting too . Even if I'm sitting around with my friends and the blame game is played. I usually just keep out and just keep quiet because even if someone blames me. My friends usually don't do much after that if I act completely oblivious to the fart.

Ice Cream

Where would the world be without this little chilly treat? Cool to the tongue or brain freeze central, ice cream makes us all happy.

Macaroni and Cheese

From a box, a cafeteria or mom's stove mac and cheese is certainly, universally thought of when comfort is needed.

Pizza

All night study sessions, check. Monday night football, check. The box said permanent hair color, check. Pizza is well "rounded" for every situation.

Hamburgers

Whether is your $16 gourmet burger or the dollar menu special, hamburgers is a classic choice for any crisis.

Fried Chicken

Even though no one really uses the term "fried" anymore, we know exactly when it is needed and what it is needed for. Extra crispy or original recipe, fried chicken is an all-American, down home choice for "greasing" away our troubles.

Cheesecake

Possibly the most amazing dessert creation and works well for any misfortune. If you are feeling guilty about the entire cheesecake you just ate think of it like this, you needed this food to well comfort you. And since the word cheese is in the title, consider it your daily serving of dairy. If it were covered with a fruit topping, then it is your daily serving of fruit. It's a win-win situation.